


We Can Turn The World To Gold

by tingles



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Erin centric, F/F, Fluff, Multi, SO MUCH FLUFF, Slow Burn, and cheesy tropes, basically fluff without plot about how polybusters get together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-02 17:16:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 33,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8675983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tingles/pseuds/tingles
Summary: It turns out feelings and relationships are much harder to figure out than the most complex of equations. Post movie. Erin centric. Polybusters endgame.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is something I have been working on for a while now and I'm actually really excited to share. It all started with me having this silly idea of Polybusters happening and Erin being completely clueless and confused about it all. It somehow evolved into something huge about how they all get together and here it is. I promise it's all already finished, and I'll be posting a new chapter at least once a week. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it

As a scientist, Erin learned which questions should be asked, figure out which data was needed and how to collect it in order to answer them. She had become an expert at that.

The problem was, that even if that seemed to work when dealing with atoms and particles and theorems it hardly did when it came to people, and relationships and _feelings_. They were random and lacked coherence and all of her logic had never helped her deal with such matters. If only she was able to figure people out as quickly as she solved equations maybe her life wouldn’t have become so damn complicated. 

Abby and her had never been simple. It had always been intense, and passionate, even when everything was purely platonic it was the kind of friendship you’d go _to the edge of the world for_. Not that Erin could have ever admitted out loud there had something more than friendship between them, but there had been kisses –once when they were seventeen and celebrating their own private prom night, several more during college– but they had never talked about it.

They both knew there was _something_ there, but Abby knew her too well, knew of her desperate need to be normal and accepted, even if she didn’t really understand it sometimes, and she was probably too afraid to bring it up and risk freaking Erin out. Rightfully so, she would have probably fled and distanced herself from her best friend out of fear. She had no desire to give people another excuse to pick on her, and so Erin avoided even thinking about the possibility that she wasn’t solely interested in guys.

She had been working on that lately.

She knew she did like women, and she was able to admit it at least to herself now. She knew had been in love with her best friend. She knew she had never forgotten about Abby (or gotten over her).

Because who could ever measure up to her, the first person to believe her, to share her passion, to make her feel loved and safe and like she wasn’t _wrong_.

Since they got out of the vortex it had been easier. There was still so much left unsaid between them, but Abby looking at Erin the way she used to reassured her. She knew something was being rebuilt, and this time she wanted to do it on the right foundation. So in-between the sweet smiles, the casual touches and hand holding, she had been trying to gather the courage to do _something_ about it.

But things were never that simple. Especially not when there was also Holtzmann and Patty and somehow they had all ended up pretty much living in the firehouse and, to be honest, it wasn’t like Erin wasn’t enjoying it. Surprisingly, cohabiting with three other people was far from the nightmare she would have imagined it to be. She liked how she never felt alone because there was always one of them around, be it Holtz singing 80s tunes, Abby cursing loudly when something went wrong in the lab or Patty silently reading one of her books.

But the closeness also made it easier for Erin to notice stuff. Things such as the fact that she was pretty sure that there was something going on between Abby and Holtz. The inside jokes, the secret handshakes, all that working together at odd hours she could have attributed to friendship. Walking on them kissing on the mouth when she walked up the second floor to ask Holtz how she was doing with the packs upgrades? Not so much.

Thankfully, they hadn’t noticed Erin stopping dead on her tracks and walking back downstairs with a vacant expression. She certainly hadn’t been expecting that, but at the same time it all started to make more sense. It was how she felt when she saw exactly where she’d gone wrong in the sea of numbers on her whiteboard, only this time she felt like there were still too many Xs she couldn’t figure out.

If Abby was with Holtz then why had she been getting closer and closer to Erin? Because maybe she could be a little oblivious sometimes, but she wasn’t that big an idiot not to notice when someone looked like they were about to kiss her. And God, Erin had felt like Abby was about to kiss her so many times in the last few weeks she didn’t know how she hadn’t died of a heart attack already.

As if that wasn’t confusing enough Holtzmann was _always_ flirting with her. And at first Erin had thought she was just messing with her, but now she was starting to reconsider because sometimes Holtz complimented her in a sweet and soft, almost shy, manner that didn’t involve any teasing or dancing to disco hits and left Erin completely at loss of what to do.

It was all just _maddening_ and Erin didn’t have a clue about what the hell was going on, or even how she felt about it all. The kiss she had witnessed kept replaying on her mind at the most inappropriate times and she couldn’t help blushing when she remembered how Abby had Holtz pinned against her table, and Holtz’s soft sigh when Abby’s lips had descended to her neck.

She knew she wasn’t jealous, which was kind of unexpected. It was more like feeling left out. Maybe she was just disappointed neither of them had told her about their relationship. Maybe she was also a little crushed that her hopes of a second chance with Abby had crumbled faster than a house of cards. Mostly, though, she recognized the churning in her stomach of feeling like the odd one out.

Things got weird after the kiss incident. Actually, it was just Erin that got weird. She couldn’t help feeling awkward around Abby and Holtz for a while, she felt the urge to bring it up but at the same time she dreaded having to talk about it. Abby kept trying to get close to her but now every time she was a little more affectionate than usual Erin tensed up because she felt like she was doing something wrong although she really wasn’t doing anything at all.

So Erin sought refuge in Patty, who was sweet and comforting and funny and never pried or pressured her with questions even after she started spending most of her free time with her out of the blue.

They had bonded before, over books and history ─Erin wasn’t as knowledgeable as Patty, but after studying haunted places for so long she’d picked up a few facts─, but it wasn’t until they began spending more time together that Erin really discovered how easy being with Patty was and just how much she enjoyed it. They were more similar than she’d have thought at first, and it became a common occurrence for them to spend slow days curled up in the couch watching documentaries on Netflix.

That’s precisely what they were doing on a Saturday afternoon while Holtz and Abby had gone to get some “stuff” the engineer apparently needed. The vague wording implied something maybe not quite legal would be acquired and Erin didn’t want anything to do with any of that, so Patty and her stayed at home.

They were halfway through a rather crappy documentary about haunted houses when Erin blurted out the question that had been on the back of her mind for weeks. “Do you know about Holtz and Abby?”

Patty stopped braiding Erin’s hair to look at her. “What about Holtz and Abby?”

Erin fidgeted. “I… kind of saw them kissing.” Patty didn’t look surprised at all, and merely shrugged her shoulders.

“Well, I didn’t ask but I did figure there was something going on there.” Erin stared at her disbelievingly, not understanding how she could be so calm about it. “Honey, why are you so torn up about this?” She asked her gently, but something in her eyes made Erin think she already knew the answer. Maybe even better than Erin herself did.

“I’m not… I was just… surprised, I guess. It’s not that I’m not okay with. If they are happy I’m happy for them you know?” Patty endured all her rambling, knowing she’d get to what was really bothering her eventually. “It’s just… I thought Abby wanted to try again… with me. Not that there was really anything there to begin with but, you know what I mean.” Erin felt incredibly petty and selfish saying it, but Patty just looked at her sympathetically.

“You know, maybe you should talk about this with Abby. And stop avoiding them like an idiot.”

“I’m not avoiding them.” She faked an incredulous laugh, but Patty was having none of it and Erin just ended up shagging her shoulders and looking down in shame.

“Girl, we’re not stupid. I’m pretty sure they’ve noticed as well. Holtz thinks you’re mad at her and she said something about building a ‘reconciliation gift’ so you better start fixing this before she blows all of us up.” Erin laughed despite herself and nodded. She probably was being an idiot about it.

“You’re right, as always.” She admitted. “Thanks for the push, Patty.”                                     

“Anytime, baby.” She winked at her, wrapped and arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer again so they could keep watching the documentary, Erin comfortably nested at her side.

“You’d have to be blind not to see how much Abby cares about you, you know.” Patty broke their comfortable silence a few minutes later. “Maybe you’ll be able to figure it out.”

Erin didn’t know how that was possible when Abby seemed to be already in a relationship, so she didn’t say anything else. Patty was probably just trying to comfort her after watching her be so pathetically whiny.

\---

Erin didn’t really talk to Abby, but at least she stopped avoiding her and Holtzmann. She knew they both noticed because each of them reacted in different ways.

Abby just gave her this look and grabbed her by the elbow gently when Erin was walking out of the station to go find some lunch. They’d spent the whole morning working together and it made Erin feel like an imbecile for staying away for so long when everything appeared to be fine between them. “Everything okay?” She asked, softly, and Erin responded with a nod and a small but sincere smile, which Abby reciprocated.

It occurred to her then that Patty had been right, and that her attempt at distancing herself hadn’t been subtle at all. She appreciated Abby even more for never confronting her about it. It also made her heart clench when she thought how Abby giving her so much space had probably been influenced by her fear of pressuring Erin too much and making her leave again.

She felt like she’d never shake the guilt of abandoning her best friend off her. Not even jumping into the vortex and saving her life seemed to have eased it.

Holtz was ecstatic and couldn’t hide her excitement at all when Erin came up to the second floor and offered to help her out.

“It seems I’m stuck with my research today. So I thought maybe I could be more useful here with you.” It wasn’t a complete lie, but she also wanted to make it up to her.

“I’m just messing around with the packs. But the help of such a prestigious colleague is always appreciated, Dr. Gilbert.” Holtz grinned. She grabbed and slid a stool closer to the one she was sitting on and waited for Erin to take a seat before starting to talk about her plans to make the packs lighter.

Erin contributed with a few ideas, but mostly she was just happy to watch Holtz speaking animatedly about her work and showing her all the blueprints. She had missed her too, despite her craziness and her penchant for making Erin blush awkwardly. Beneath that first extravagant layer, Holtz was kind and easy to talk to and always seemed to take into account all of Erin’s ideas.  She was also getting used to all of her flirting and sometimes even shoot back, which made Holtz laugh and smile at her with a sweetness that had nothing to do with her usual manic grin.

“Does this mean I can drop the reconciliation gift project?” Holtz asked all of sudden, and Erin stiffened for a second.

“Please do. And I’m pretty sure I don’t even want to know what it was supposed to be.” She tried to joke.

“You don’t.” Holtz dead-panned.

“Maybe I should be the one giving you an ‘I’m sorry I’m such an idiot’ gift.” Erin suggested, making her snicker.

“Well, you know what I like.” Holtz winks at her.

The next day Holtz found a can of Pringles on her work desk.  Neither of them mentioned it, but the knowing smile they shared when she offered one to Erin said more than words could.

_Don’t be an idiot again, Erin. All is forgiven. You’re not on your own anymore._

\---

Erin started giving Patty lessons on basic physics. It began when Patty tried to read Abby and Erin’s book only to discover that, as expected, she didn’t understand the half of it. So she started asking Erin about some of the concepts, and in the end Erin got so caught up in her own explanation and so excited for the opportunity to teach again that she decided to make it a serious arrangement.

And so, on Wednesdays afternoons, she taught Patty, who turned out to be an excellent student. She was always attentive, took the lessons very seriously and picked up things really quickly, which didn’t surprise Erin because she knew how smart she was.

It made both of them happy, Patty liked learning and now she could follow some of what the others said when they started talking science, and Erin missed teaching so this was a welcome opportunity to do it again. Besides, they got to spend more time together which was certainly one of the biggest perks, at least for Erin.

“I bet you were the favorite teacher of all those Columbia kids.” Patty told her after wrapping up one Wednesday. Erin smiled bashfully.

“I don’t know about that. At least I hope they didn’t hate me too much.” Erin sat down next to her after wiping clean the whiteboard she had insisted on buying ─“If we’re doing this, we’re doing it right”─.

“Oh, come on. You’re great at this. You make all that mess of numbers and letters understandable.” Erin blushed at the compliment.

“Well, I do like teaching. I’m glad you think I’m good at it.”

“You’re great at it.” Patty said with a wide smile, the one that Erin felt like it could light up a room all on its own and made her giggle nervously.

“Hey guys, what are you up to?” It was Abby’s cheerful interruption that made Erin realize she had been staring at Patty longer than it would be appropriate.

“Erin has been telling me all about physics.” Patty wrapped an arm around her shoulders as she looked at Abby with a smile. Erin just smiled tightly, feeling exposed for some reason. “I’m pretty much an expert now.”

“Oh, really?” Abby glanced between them with a strange look on her face that despite Erin’s profound knowledge of all things Abby she couldn’t quite decipher. It was kind of teasing, surprised, and maybe a little smug.

“She’s an amazing student. And a natural at thinking scientifically.”                                                             

“Well, my parents always said I kept bugging the when I was a little girl asking them about everything all of the time.” They laughed, and Erin felt Patty holding her a little tighter. It was nice.

“Well, I just came up here to talk to Erin about our book. Maybe you would like to help us with your expertise.” They were reediting their old book, with all the new knowledge they had gathered from being able to study _actual_ ghosts, and their experience as ghost busters. They had been working hard to have it ready as soon as possible, it would be easier to get it published when the memory of the near apocalypse in New York City was still fresh on people’s minds.

“I think I’ll go check on Holtzy, make sure she’s still alive up there.” Patty declined the offer while she stood up. “So you two can talk about your stuff.” Erin could swear Patty winked an eye at her when Abby wasn’t looking, and she almost shook her head. She knew her friend wanted her to talk things out with Abby, but Erin didn’t dare to, especially not now things seemed to be going pretty well.

“So, have you thought about what we discussed the other day?” Abby quickly sat next to her, where Patty had been. She handed Erin an apple. “I know you haven’t had much for lunch.” She explained at Erin’s inquisitive eyebrow raise. It was true, and she was touched by the sweet gesture, so she took the fruit with a smile and took a small bite.

“I still think we shouldn’t censor our research. We’re scientists, we have to share our knowledge. We’re not responsible for the use other people make of it but the world deserves to know.”

Abby sighed when she realized Erin’s position was still as firm as the last time they talked about it.

“But look at what Rowan did. I’m just saying we should keep some things to ourselves at least for now. Just stuff related to the barrier and how it works, so no one tries to break it again.”

“If people want to do it they’ll find a way.” Erin protested.

“Maybe, but I don’t want to make things easier for them!” Abby tried to calm down when she realized she’d ended up raising her voice. “I know it sucks. But maybe it’s a necessary evil.”

“We’re not going to be taken seriously if we offer just a part of our research. That’s not what scientists do.”

“Do you still care so much about what others think of you?” Abby asked, being gentler this time since she knew it was a sensitive topic. “I thought you’d gotten over that. You don’t need to impress those stiff professors at Columbia anymore. Or anyone else for that matter.”

“Of course I do.” Erin sighed. Being too worried about what others thought of her had become so ingrained into her brain that she doubted she’d ever be able to shake it off completely. “But you’re right. I don’t care so much anymore.” She sighed, knowing what she had to do. “Fine, I give up. We won’t publish any of those pages.”

Abby grinned. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” She hugged her and planted a kiss on her cheek, making Erin blush.

“Abby! Let go.” She laughed, deep down hoping she wouldn’t. Abby’s easy-given affection made her happier than she’d ever admit.

“Okay, okay.” Abby reluctantly set her free. “I’m really glad you don’t care about what those idiots think anymore. You’re worth so much more than all of them and their stupid references and tenures.” She held her hand while looking at her with a glint in her eyes that made Erin’s heart skip a beat. It was times like these when she wondered why the hell she had ever put anyone else’s opinion before Abby’s. Hers would always be the most rewarding form of approval.

“I still care. But I care more about what you think.” She said honestly, running the pad of her thumb over Abby’s knuckles. For a few seconds the tension between them that had been driving Erin crazy for the last weeks came back with force. She found herself her gaze dropping to the other woman’s lips, and Abby seemed to lean closer for a second until a loud noise coming from the second floor startled them both.

“Holtz.” They both laughed awkwardly, and kept on talking about the book as if nothing had happened. Erin’s hand, though, remained intertwined with Abby’s.

\---

Even though Erin had been fired for months, an invitation for her old Columbia department annual gala still showed up in her mail. It was an event to which all professors were invited, and it mainly involved them kissing rich people’s asses to get funding for their projects. It also allowed some of the professors to parade their egos and talk about their many accomplishments while downing glass of champagne after glass of champagne.

So Erin was glad to be able to skip it this year, that was at least until she told the others about it thinking they would find their mistake of sending an invitation just as funny as she did and move on. She couldn’t have been more wrong.

“You have to go!” Abby said excitedly. “This is the perfect opportunity to remind those idiots that they were wrong and you were right.” She was grinning as if that was the greatest idea she’d ever had, and looked to Holtz and Patty for support after seeing Erin’s disapproving grimace.

“Abby is right. They are like your exes, and now you can show them what they are missing.” Holtz contributed raising her eyebrows suggestively.

“Not a good comparison, Holtz.” Erin turned to Patty, her last hope for a rational answer.

“I think they have a point.” She shrugged her shoulders. “You go back there as one of the women that saved New York, after proving ghosts are real. It would be pretty awesome.”

Erin sighed, knowing putting any more resistance was useless when all of her friends had already made up their minds.

“Come on, baby, don’t make that face. I’ll even help you get all fancied up for the party.” Patty tried to cheer her up, circling an arm around her waist to drag her closer until Erin was almost sitting on her lap.

“Fine. But there’s no way I’m going back there alone.”

“I’ll be your plus one.” Abby wasted no time offering. For a second, Erin wondered if that was a good idea. But she would be far more comfortable with her best friend there with her.

“Okay. But if this backfires I’m blaming you all.” Erin gave up while the others cheered.

\---

Patty made good on her promise of making Erin look nice. When she was done with her, Erin looked at the mirror and almost couldn’t recognize herself. She was wearing a beautiful long blue dress and her make-up and hair looked perfect, all thanks to Patty. Still, she was kind of nervous when she walked down to where the rest of the Ghostbusters were waiting.

“So, what do you think?” She cleared her throat to make Abby and Holtz turn around. When they did, they both stared at her without saying a word. Holtz’s mouth actually hung open as she kept looking at her. “Do you not like it?” She frowned, starting to get nervous after the silence prolonged for so long.

“I think they like it a little too much, honey.” Patty chuckled, coming down the stairs behind her.

“You look amazing.” Abby told her with a smile, coming closer to her.

“Yeah, Erin. I mean not that you usually don’t but this.” Holtz whistled to make her point, and Erin blushed harder.

Abby too looked stunning in her yellow dress. Erin tried her best not to be too obvious in her staring but she had the feeling she was failing miserably and everyone could notice.

“You look…” She whispered to her while Patty talked to Holtz about how she’d managed to make Erin’s hair look like that. “Just beautiful.” She could swear she saw Abby’s cheeks getting redder but maybe it was just the lighting playing tricks on her.

“Are you ready to go?” She asked Erin, her hand finding the other woman’s without thinking.

“Yeah.” Erin nodded, feeling like she wouldn’t be able to get more words out of her suddenly dry throat.

“Guys!” Abby called out **to** Patty and Holtz who were engrossed in their own conversation about God knows what. “We’re leaving.”

“Have fun.” Patty grinned at them.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, kids.” Holtzmann added.

“Don’t do anything she would do.” Patty corrected her.

“Patricia, my dear, I’m hurt.” Holtz looked at her, dramatically resting a hand on her chest.

“Well, it’s best if they don’t cause any explosions.”

“You’re no fun.”

“C’mon Holtzy. Let’s go upstairs and watch a movie. _I’m_ choosing.”

“Fiiiiiiiine”.

Abby and Erin laughed as they watched them bicker before getting outside for the cab that was waiting for them. Erin held Abby’s hand for the whole ride, feeling so goddamn happy she couldn’t remember why the hell she had been so nervous about this in the first place.

Unfortunately, the anxiety quickly reappeared as soon as they stepped out of the cab.

“Relax.” Abby smiled at her and squeezed her hand. “It’ll be okay. I’ll be with you the whole time.”

“Okay. I’m fine.” Erin took a deep breath and started walking towards the entrance.

“You know, this is kind of our second chance at prom since we missed the first one.” Abby joked, letting go of her hand. Erin missed the warmth of it, but at the same time was too nervous to take it again.

“We already had a prom. Maybe it wasn’t the official one, but I still enjoyed it.” Erin replied, deciding to focus on Abby for now and trying not to worry about seeing someone she knew.

“Did you?” Erin nodded. She wondered if Abby was thinking about the same part of their “prom night” as she was.

They had spent the night at Abby’s place, their parents were always cooler than Erin’s and let them do their own thing without many questions. They had spent the night watching movies and eating pop-corn and candy until Abby insisted that since this was their prom night they needed to have at least a dance.

Erin agreed, even if at first she felt kind of stupid putting on a The Cure tape and swaying to the slow beat. Then Abby had placed her hands on Erin’s hips and she had put hers on Abby’s shoulders and just like that they were slow dancing and Erin’s heat was pounding hard on her chest. She didn’t remember who initiated it, but one moment she was looking at Abby’s lips and the next they were kissing.

It was soft, and sweet and Erin had always thought it had been pretty perfect for a first kiss.

“Oh, no, that’s Phil. I really don’t want to talk to him.” Abby recognized the guy as Erin’s kind of ex-boyfriend that had come talk to her before one of their firsts busts. Erin hadn’t talked much about him, but she’d said enough for Abby to know he was a douchebag.

“Don’t hide. You have nothing to be ashamed off.” She whispered to her, planting on a bright smile and grabbing Erin’s hand to keep her at her side and stop her from cowering behind her. She would have liked for the man to ignore them, but apparently they were out of luck and he walked right over to them.

“Erin. I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” He greeted them with the fakest smile Erin had ever seen. “Since you no longer teach here.”

“Well, I was invited.” She said awkwardly.

“Maybe because this school finally realized the loss it suffered after letting such an excellent scientist and professor go.” Abby chimed in with an equally dishonest smile.

“And you are?”

“Dr. Abigail Yates. I’d say it’s a pleasure but I’m afraid I’m not that good at lying.” Erin tried to keep a neutral expression. She didn’t know if she wanted to kill Abby or kiss her.

Phil’s brow furrowed, he was clearly taken aback by Abby’s open hostility. His gaze dropped to their joined hands and it took pretty much all of Erin’s self-control not to let go of Abby’s hand under his scrutiny.

“I see you’ve moved on.” He commented bitterly.

“There wasn’t much to move on from.” The strength in her voice surprised even Erin herself, as well as the fact that she didn’t even bother correcting him. “Now, if you excuse us. I could really use a drink.” He was left with a response on the tip of his tongue after the two women walked past him, and started giggling once they were far away enough so he wouldn’t hear.

“Oh my god, Erin that was so badass.” Abby grinned at her. “Did you see his face?” She tried to make an impression of the stupid expression Phil had pulled and Erin let out a laugh.

“It did feel pretty good.”

Abby ordered two glasses of champagne at the bar, handing one to her best friend. “And one for my lady.” She smirked, and Erin tried her best to play it cool. “We’ll have to keep up the charade all night now. We can’t let him think you lied about getting such a fine piece of ass.” Erin almost choked on her drink, and coughed briefly.

“Yes. Commitment to the story is important.” She agreed with a smile, although a little voice inside of her head told her she was getting into dangerous territory. But she felt so free, like she didn’t care at all about what every suit in this room would think of her and she didn’t want to give up that feeling.

“I’ll drink to that.” Their glasses clinked together and they made their way to a more secluded table where they talked and shared laughs while drinking. Erin told Abby stories about her former colleagues, some of which were really funny ─physics departments apparently had more drama than anyone would think─ and Abby laughed making Erin feel warmer than the alcohol ever could.

Erin tried not to think about it, but it all felt just like a date, and a really good one at that. She could feel from time to time people’s weird looks at her, but she found she didn’t really care.

“Would you like to dance?” Abby asked, almost tentatively, once their flutes were empty. There was an ensemble playing chamber music there were already some people dancing.

Erin didn’t know if it was the champagne or just the excitement of the night but she found herself nodding enthusiastically and being led to the dancefloor by Abby.

“Is this okay?” The other woman questioned after resting a hand on Erin’s hip and she just smiled, taking her other hand and starting to lead.

“I’m having a lot of fun tonight.” Erin told her midst dance. “All thanks to you. I wouldn’t have come alone.”

"I knew you wouldn't. That's why I offered."

"You know me too well."

Abby just shrugged her shoulders. She pulled Erin closer, making her breath hitch, and whispered close to her ear. "Your idiot ex-boyfriend is watching."

"Oh." Abby's lips grazing her ear didn't let her concentrate enough for her to give a more articulate response. She had enough trouble reminding herself to keep breathing, especially when Abby slid her hand dangerously low on her back.

"Abby!" She stage-whispered as the other woman held back a laugh, and only put her hand in a proper position once the man had stopped looking at them and fled the room.

"I don't regret anything." She solemnly said, while Erin kept looking at her scandalized and with her cheeks flushed.

"I think I need another drink." Her mouth felt strangely dry.

"I'll take care of it."

Erin was waiting in the sidelines for Abby to bring her another glass when a former colleague she didn't remember ever talking to, but remembered seeing around, approached her.

"You are Dr. Gilbert, right?" He asked, and she could already feel her anxiety beginning to rise at the thought of him coming here to ridicule her.  Still, she kept her head high.

"I am."

"I'm Dr. Harrison. I just wanted to tell you, I read your book after everything that happened in the city, and I think you're a visionary. Before that day I probably would have been a skeptic but after everything we've seen, I can't wait for you to publish more about your studies. It's a shame you're not here in Columbia anymore."

Erin's eyes were comically wide. For a few long seconds, she couldn't believe what she was hearing and decided he must have been messing with her, but she'd been the subject of those kinds of jokes enough times to be able to tell when someone was being honest or not. "Wow, thank you. Well, I have another job now as I'm sure you've seen on TV." She joked, feeling more relaxed when it got the man to smile.

"Would you mind if I asked you some questions?" He asked hopefully.

"No, of course, not at all." Erin was ecstatic to answer all of his doubts. She was so used to people not believing her when she talked about ghosts, that having someone, a respectful colleague nonetheless, listen to her so attentively was filling her with a pride she'd rarely felt before joining the Ghostbusters.

"I'm sorry, there were a lot of thirsty people apparently." Abby interrupted her in the middle of a particularly complex explanation she'd gotten herself into, but Erin didn't mind at all when she felt the arm wrap around her waist loosely. Abby was smiling at the man, but from her stance and the way she was looking at him Erin could tell she was trying to figure out if she had to get her claws out or not.

Her heart swelled at Abby's protectiveness.

"Abby! This is professor Harrison. He's been asking about our work. Dr. Harrison, this is my partner, Dr. Abigail Yates." She took the drink Abby was offering her as she introduced them with a grin, which seemed to make her friend stand down.

"It's a pleasure. I was just telling Dr. Gilbert just how fascinating I found your book, I was thrilled to hear you're working on a reedition."

"Oh, thank you. Hopefully it won't take too long now, we're just making a few adjustments here and there." Abby was surprised by his kindness too, but she was definitely better at hiding it.

"Well, I wouldn't want to impose any more than I already have. I'll be waiting to hear more about you." They politely said their goodbyes, and as soon as he left Erin turned to Abby with a huge smile and a spark in her eye.

"Did you see that?! He didn't think we are crazy! He treated us like real scientists." She said with an almost childish excitement.

"I did!" Abby smiled fondly at her. She knew how big of a deal this was to Erin, how important to be respected had always been for her and how hard she had worked for it. Now, someone who wasn't one of her friends, had shown her the respect she had earned.

"It was amazing."

"It really was."

Erin was still smiling like crazy when she said "Want to go for a walk? It's getting too stuffy in here."

"Sure."

They strolled around the gardens around the entrance, sipping from their glasses of champagne while walking hand in hand. Erin didn't dare question their joined hands and Abby's more affectionate than usual behavior through all the night in case that would make it stop. She knew it would sting when the night was over and whatever illusion had been placed over them that night vanished and they were back to being just friends, but she couldn't help it.

"I wish tonight wouldn't end." She sighed after they sat down on a bench near a fountain, leaving their empty glasses on the floor.

"Why?" Abby looked at her questioningly.

"It's been pretty nice so far. The company has been perfect." She paused for a moment, and looked at her hand, wrapped around Abby's on her lap. "It would mean this wouldn’t end and we'd go back to normal tomorrow." They both knew the weight of her words and what she meant by them. Erin didn't know why she hadn't just shut up, but she would blame it on the drinks and her almost non-existent tolerance.

"Erin..."

"You don't have to say anything. I know. I didn't mean to complain, it sounds like I don't want to be your friend or like it isn't enough but I swear it is. You being my friend is the best thing that's ever happened to me and I would never take it for granted again-"

"Erin." She tried to cut her off, but the rambling didn't stop until Erin felt Abby tilting her chin up gently. She leaned in, slowly, and all Erin could do was remain completely still listening to the sound of her heart pounding in her chest. Abby's lips grazed hers and suddenly everything else faded away.

It took her a few seconds to be able to respond properly, but then she was kissing her back, softly at first and then with everything she had. Her fingers tangled in Abby's soft hair, and she could feel Abby's cupping her cheek tenderly.

Kissing Abby felt like coming home, like she had wasted so much time denying herself this, and how _right_ this was.

But when it ended, the realization, _'Oh, God, Holtzmann'_ , the fear and the confusion struck back with a vengeance.

"I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking." Erin quickly got up, her stomach turning from the guilt and the shame.

"Erin, wait." Abby tried to go after her, but she was too fast and definitely not willing to listen to anything she'd have to say, fearing the worst. She didn't want to hear the rejection, there was no need for it. She knew Abby was with Holtzmann, and that kiss had probably just been a slip up for her. No need to make a bigger deal of it than what it was.

Before Abby could catch up to her and make her stop Erin had already hailed a cab and gotten away.


	2. Chapter 2

Erin went back to her apartment. She hadn’t been there in months except to pick some things up, and she only still had it because her lease wasn’t up yet but at that moment she was grateful for it. She couldn’t go back home, not when she knew they’d all be there. She needed to be alone for a while, regroup and try to make sense of everything that had happened that night.

She didn’t understand. She didn’t understand why Abby was flirting with her like that, why she had kissed her, when she was with Holtzmann. Abby was not a cheater, she was loyal by default. So why the hell had she done that? Erin feared it had just been out of pity.

Maybe she was just as confused as Erin felt at the moment. The thing she feared the most was that with her recklessness she’d mess everything up. The Ghostbusters, the camaraderie and love between all of them that had blossomed during the time they’d spent together. Their friendship was the best thing Erin had ever had.

Her phone started ringing while she was filling up the tub to take what she hoped would be a long, relaxing bath. She had ignored the pinging of received messages before, but when she saw Patty was calling she knew she had to pick up.

“Hello.”

“Hello?” Erin flinched at Patty’s loud tone. “Why didn’t you answer before?”

“I was busy.”

“Girl, I swear to God.” She knew Patty was probably more worried than angry, and it made her feel guilty.

“I’m sorry. I’m okay, I just needed some space.”

“What happened tonight? Abby came back alone all freaked out. Holtz is trying to calm her down but I don’t think she’s making much progress.”

“I don’t really want to talk about it right now.” Patty must have noticed the vulnerability in her voice, and sighed.

“Okay babe. But we were all really worried. Abby thinks you’re running away again.” Erin’s heart clenched.

“I’m not. I’m at my old apartment. You don’t need to worry about me, I’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Alright. If you need something just call, okay?”

“I will.” Erin sighed. “Will you… will you please help Holtz take care of Abby?” She added, more quietly. The thought of Abby in distress, especially because of her, made her feel terrible.

“Of course, baby. See you tomorrow.”

                                                                                            ---

Things got really tense at the firehouse after that night.

Abby and Erin didn’t talk to each other, and it was rare to even see them in the same room. Patty tried to get out of Erin what the hell had gone wrong, but the other woman had closed off. She isolated herself and spent pretty much all of her time working on her own in front of a white board, if it wasn’t for Patty and Holtz taking turns to make her eat she’d probably even forget about that too.

She didn’t join them when they watched movies, instead she withdrew to her own room as soon as she was too exhausted to keep working. Abby still spent time with them, but she was quieter than usual even around Holtzmann.

It was a nightmare, and Patty was almost relieved when it looked like the bubble of tension and awkwardness they’d been living in for the last few days seemed to finally burst one night. Erin had joined them for dinner, sandwiches from their favorite deli, and for some blissful five minutes Patty almost believed the torture was over. Of course, right after that, it all went to hell again.

“I have a date tomorrow night.” Erin announced nonchalantly. A heavy silence settled over them.

Erin’s smile quickly faded when she saw none of her friends said anything, or even looked at her. Patty was staring at her sandwich as if it was the most interesting thing she’d ever seen. Holtz tried to pretend she wasn’t looking at Abby out of the corner of her eye, and Abby was looking down.

“He’s really nice. He’s a chemistry professor, I met him online-“

“I can’t believe this.” Abby burst out.

“You can’t believe I have a date?”

“I can’t believe you’re doing this again.” Abby stood up, the sound of the stool dragging over the floor screeched loudly.

“And what exactly it is that I’m doing?” Erin held her head high. It wasn’t common for Abby to get this mad, but when she did she could be ruthless.

“You get scared. So you go after some idiot to avoid thinking about how you really feel, or what you really want.” Holtz had gotten up as well and placed a hand on Abby’s hand to try to placate her, but she just shrugged it off. “You’re just a coward.”

“Abby, stop.” Holtz insisted, clearly distressed.

Erin’s eyes had started to water, but she fought back the tears as hard as she could. If Abby’s words were cutting so deep it was because she knew they were true. “You run away from your feelings just like did back in high school and college, just like you ran away from me and our book.”

“That’s enough.” Patty cut her off, keeping her voice low but firm. “This isn’t helping anyone. You clearly have some issues you need to talk about, but not like this.”

“It’s okay. I was just going to leave.” Erin said, picking up her set of keys and walking towards the door.

“Yeah, that’s what you’re good at.” She could hear Abby mutter even as she walked away, and Holtz’s reprimand that came afterwards.

She was in such a hurry to leave so they wouldn’t see the tears that were already rolling down her cheeks that she didn’t realize just how stupid it was to walk out with only a plaid shirt in the middle of November.

“I thought you’d want a jacket.” Patty’s voice came from behind her, and Erin turned around to see her with her denim jacket in her hands.

“Thanks.” She pretended to be alright despite the crying and her choked up voice.

“That’s alright.” Patty was looking at her with a sad look she just couldn’t bear. “What happened back there?” She asked Erin softly, wrapping an arm around her shoulder to keep her warm while they walked around the block.

Erin couldn’t take it any longer, she couldn’t be strong on her own anymore, so she explained everything to her. How perfect the night Abby and her had spent together had been, the kiss, the avoidance. How, for some reason, she thought trying to get over Abby and pretending nothing had happened had seemed like the best option. Patty listened without interrupting, giving Erin the chance to get everything out.

“I don’t understand why she got so mad that I’m going on a date when she’s in a _relationship_.” Erin mumbled, and Patty just sighed and squeezed her a little tighter.

“You’ll have to talk about that with her, sweetie. Preferably without any screaming.”

“I know.” Erin sulked. “It’s not like I don’t deserve everything she said before.”

“Hey, none of that. She probably feels awful about what she said, you know how Abby gets when she’s mad. You may have made mistakes in the past, but that’s just human.”

“We should probably get back, I think my toes are starting to lose feeling from the cold.” She half-joked, and was grateful when Patty didn’t point out her blatantly obvious change of topic.                

“We wouldn’t want anything to happen to those cute toes of yours.” Patty agreed, making Erin giggle softly. She wanted to ask her if she thought the date was a good idea but remembering her expression when she’d told them about it before kind of made it easy to guess the answer would be no.

Instead, Erin leaned on her and let herself be led back to the station and into Patty’s room, where they talked about random stuff until she felt tired enough to fall asleep quickly. Which she would probably do soon if she didn’t get up from Patty’s bed.

“You’re a saint. I don’t know how you’re always so patient with me.” Erin told her, her head resting on the pillow while Patty laid beside her.

“It’s a gift. Someone has to keep all of you white girls from messing things up too badly” Erin laughed, curling into Patty’s warmth. Apparently, being sleepy only made her more affectionate than usual and Patty didn’t really seem to mind when she wrapped her arms around her.

“I don’t mind being here for you. I know you’d do the same for me, baby.”

“Of course I would. I love you.” Erin mumbled against Patty’s neck, her eyes already half-closed.

“I love you too.” Erin felt Patty’s smile against her forehead, and the soft kiss she pressed there before falling asleep.

 

\---

They had a bust the following day. It was nothing too complicated, just an irritating ghost causing havoc in a poor old woman's house, so they were able to go back to headquarters before it was too late in the evening. Thankfully, even Erin had managed to avoid getting slimed.

"I think we should treat ourselves for a job well done and order take-out today." Holtzmann suggested as took off her jumpsuit, leaving her in a tank top and a pair of shorts.

"Holtz, you'd order take-out every night if it wasn't for me and Erin cooking." Patty said, rolling her eyes. "But fine, whatever you want."

"You're the best, Patty." Holtz grinned, standing on her tippy toes to squeeze her in a tight hug, while Patty pretended to try getting out of it. "Abby, do you feel like Chinese?"

To everybody's surprise, Abby didn't seem at all excited at the prospect. "I think I'll pass today. I'm not feeling great, I'll just go to bed."

Erin stared at the ground, they all knew that was an excuse and that the real reason behind Abby not wanting to have dinner with them was the thick tension that had settled over the group since the previous night’s fight between them.

Holtz looked crestfallen, but she didn't push and just told Abby to call for her if she needed something. Patty promised to make sure they left something for her to eat tomorrow, and Abby quickly said goodnight without even looking at Erin's direction.

"Come on, let's go make sure Holtz doesn't order a million egg rolls." Patty said to her with a small smile which Erin tried to reciprocate.

Soon enough they had settled on the couch, the coffee table was covered with food containers and they had chosen a movie to watch. It had involved a lot of begging from Erin and Holtz to pressure Patty into watching a Disney movie _again._

"This is like living with a bunch of children, I swear."

"But you love us anyway." Holtz winked at her, before stuffing her mouth full with noodles again. She ate like they would take the food away from her in any moment. Erin smiled at their antics when they started bickering, before shushing them when the movie started.

Halfway through Lilo & Stitch Holtz left her last empty container on the table, Erin didn't know how someone so small could fit that much Chinese food in her body, and wiggled her way until she laid on top of them, her head on Erin's lap and her feet on Patty's, who grumbled something about how they weren't her personal couch but didn't do anything to stop her. Erin knew she actually liked how cuddly Holtz was with them.

Erin started running her fingers through Holtz's hair absentmindedly while watching the movie. She was still worried about Abby, and feeling guilty, but Patty and Holtz's company was helping to make it all much more bearable.

She knew they were both trying to distract her, it was pretty transparent how Holtzmann kept looking up at her and pulling weird faces to make her laugh and how Patty made hilarious remarks about what was going on in the movie.

As obvious as their attempts were, she was still incredibly grateful. She had been so used to being alone for almost her whole life that it kept surprising just how good it felt to have friends that never failed to be there when she needed help, even if the situation was so complicated.

Erin didn't want to prolong her fight with Abby any longer, for the sake of their friendship and for the sake of the group. It wasn't fair to Patty and Holtz either and she knew it made them feel torn between them both. But she was so lost about what to do to fix things between them, and a small part of her couldn’t help thinking that maybe this time she had finally screwed up things too badly.

Holtz must have had noticed how her thoughts drifted away from the movie and into darker territory, because she bopped her nose to get her attention and started an impressively accurate impression of Stitch's voice. "Eriiiiin. Watch the movieeeee.”

“I _am_ watching the movie.” Erin protested, crinkling her nose. Holtz just stared down at her with an arched eyebrow until she managed to make her crack a smile. “Okay, okay. You’re bossy tonight.”

“Do you like it?” She teased her, and Patty patted her leg to make her stop. “I like it when Patty is bossy.” Holtz said suggestively, earning herself a glare from the woman and a very serious “Holtz.” as a final warning.

“Fiiiine.” She put up her hands before turning her attention back to the screen. Erin couldn’t help feeling like she was missing something, but she couldn’t figure it out.

The rest of the night transpired without any incidents, except for Holtz falling to the floor a couple  of times after rolling out of their laps when she was attempting to “show them some of her moves” and Patty almost hitting Holtz on accident when she startled tickling her after Patty had fallen asleep on the sofa.

"I think I'm gonna head to bed." Patty yawned and got up. "Now you gotta keep an eye on Holtzy."

"I will." Erin nodded while Holtz looked between them smiling wide.

"Two beautiful ladies looking after me. I'm so lucky."

Patty rolled her eyes. "Goodnight you two." She pressed a kiss against Erin's forehead and ruffled Holtz's hair before going to her room.

Holtz, head still resting on her lap, stared at Erin, who smiled like she was in her own happy world. for a few seconds. "You and Patty have gotten pretty close."

"Well she's a great friend."

"Yeah, that she is."

"Why do you keep looking at me like that?" Erin asked smiled nervously, feeling exposed under Holtz's staring.

"No reason. I'm just happy you have her. Especially with all of this... you know." Holtz sighed sadly.

"Yeah. Me too." She swallowed, feeling a sudden knot in her throat. The moment the Abby situation threatened to come up in the conversation Erin immediately tensed up. She couldn't help thinking about how if Holtz knew Erin had been kissing her girlfriend just a few days ago she wouldn't be cuddling up to her and making stupid jokes to cheer her up.

She'd probably be so mad at her, and Erin had never seen Holtz mad but she could guess it would feel terrible to make someone like her hate you.

Holtzmann, just like Abby and Patty, had become such a fundamental part of her life. Despite the initial awkwardness all of the woman's quirks had grown on her and she hated to think she could lose her friendship because she was a mess and apparently couldn't stop screwing things up.

"You know, I'm pretty exhausted too." Erin told her. Holtz didn’t question her timing, luckily it wasn't hard to believe Erin could be tired after their busy day.

"Okay. Go get your beauty sleep." Holtz looked especially beautiful in that moment, Erin noticed, with her hair all messy from Erin's fingers playing with it and a sleepy smile.

"You should too, you know." They all knew Holtzmann rarely got a good night's sleep. She usually stayed working until ungodly hours, and ran mostly on caffeine and Pringles, so it surprised Erin when she didn't put up a fight.

"Fine. I will." Erin smiled widely, happy that for once she took her advice.

"Goodnight, Holtz." She said, getting up from the couch and stretching out.

"Sweet dreams, Erin."

\---

The date was actually one of the best Erin had ever been on.

The guy, his name was Peter, was nice and considerate and actually seemed to be listening to her when she talked. He was funny and appeared to be really interested in her work. He was a science teacher himself, so he could keep up with her rambling about particle physics.

It was pretty perfect, which was why Erin didn’t understand why she wasn’t enjoying herself. It was a good evening, but at the end of it she had no desire to go on another date with him and she kindly told him so when they parted ways.

Erin didn’t understand herself at all. A few months ago she would have been over the moon to have found a guy like Peter and now it had taken her just a date for her to reject him. But she just _knew_ she didn’t want anything with him. She had spent the entire evening thinking about getting back home and about what Patty, and Holtz and even Abby would be doing. Everything they talked about reminded her of something one of the three women had done, and she had to bite her tongue to avoid bringing them up all the time.

Erin really wished she could figure out what the hell was going on with her.

“You’re back already?” Patty was lying on the couch in her pajamas reading a book when Erin walked in.

“Yeah.”

“Bad date?”

Erin just shrugged her shoulders.

“Where are Holtzmann and Abby?”

“Abby’s room.” Erin tried not to think about what they could be doing in there. Meanwhile, Patty had gone to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of white wine as well as two glasses.

“C’mon, you gotta tell me everything about it.” She motioned for Erin to join her, and the other woman let herself fall on the couch.

“It was okay.” She took out the heels she was wearing and propped her legs up on the couch. Patty offered her a full glass and she took a big gulp.

“Was he that bad?”

“Not at all, actually. He was pretty perfect.” Patty’s smile turned a little less bright at that, she had been all ready to hear about the disastrous date and Erin’s response surprised her.

“So you’ll go out with him again?”

“No, I won’t”

“Oh.” Weirdly enough, Patty seemed to be relieved to hear that.

“It just… wouldn’t work.”

Patty looked into her glass of wine as Erin took another sip. “Is it because you’re still hung up on Abby?”

Erin hesitated for a few seconds. The thought had crossed her mind. “I don’t think it’s just because of that.”

“Well. At least he didn’t turn out to be into scientology or some shit like that.” Patty joked, immediately lightening the mood and making them both laugh. “I swear once I went out with a guy and at the middle of the date he tried to make me convert.”

As it turned out, both Erin and Patty had their fair share of terrible date stories to share with each other. By the time Erin was explaining to Patty how she had almost tried to run away from one because they guy was just _that_ creepy they both had tears in their eyes and they were well into their fourth glass of wine.

“Let me tell you, being stood up is not fun. Once I waited almost two hours for a girl and she never showed up.” Patty told her, pouting slightly when she remembered it.

“How could anyone ever stand you up? She was an idiot, Patty. An idiot.” Erin said very seriously, poking Patty’s shoulder to accentuate her point. “Well, her loss. It’s not like she could do better.”

“I’m flattered you think so.” Patty smiled, a little shyly after the candor of Erin’s words.

“Of course I do. You’re so beautiful and intelligent and kind and amazing. Who wouldn’t want to date you? You deserve to have the best date ever. Maybe going to a museum, and then to a fancy restaurant. The kind you’re afraid to look at the bill when they give it to you. Japanese, I know it’s your favorite. If I took you out on a date I would totally do that.”

Patty looked at her like, for once, she didn’t know what to say to that, and Erin got a little self-conscious about spilling all that.

“I babble a little when I’m tipsy.”

“I see that. And I think you’re a little more than tipsy, sweetie.”

“I meant it, though.” For some reason, Erin couldn’t let Patty make a joke and make light of her words.

“You put me on quite a high pedestal there.” The other woman sounded a little more hesitant than usual, and Erin felt just as unsure about where this was going.

“You deserve it.”

Erin could almost _feel_ the moment in which everything seemed to shift between them. When she realized how warm and right Patty’s hand felt intertwined with hers. When she thought hey, maybe it would actually be pretty amazing to go on that date with her. When her gaze dropped to Patty’s lips and she thought about how nice it would probably be to kiss her, so that’s exactly what she did.

It really was nice. It was more than that, even.

Her lips were soft and she tasted a little like the wine they had been drinking. For a blissful moment, Patty kissed her back, catching Erin’s bottom lip between hers and making her let out a trembling sigh.

But when she slid closer to Patty and tried to deepen the kiss it ended just as suddenly as it had begun. She felt hands on her shoulder preventing her from leaning fully on the other woman, and pushing her away gently.

“Wait, Erin, wait.”

She looked at Patty with her eyes wide open, a nagging feeling telling her she had messed things up again no matter how right that kiss had felt. She tried to apologize but she found herself unable to speak.

At least Patty seemed just as affected by the kiss at her, and she felt a surge of pride bloom at her chest at the sight of the usually confident and put-together woman struggling to find words because of her.

“Not like this, okay? I don’t want this… I don’t want you to do this because you’re drunk and hurting because all of the Abby mess, I don’t… I don’t want it to be like that.” Her words confused Erin even more. She had expected a gentle rejection, but it actually sounded like Patty had wanted it as well.

“Get some rest tonight and we’ll talk tomorrow. If you want to.”

Erin almost whined when she got up from her side. Instead, she watched Patty as she walked right to her room and disappeared from sight.

She felt dizzy and even more lost than she had been before but, at the same time, it was like a blindfold had fallen from her eyes. Her mind was too fuzzy for her to give everything any more thought than that. She didn’t even make it to her bed, and fell asleep on the couch not long after Patty left. Alcohol always made her sleepy.

She slept peacefully until the rays of sun woke her the following morning. Someone had covered her with a blanket, and there was a glass of water and an aspirin on the coffee table before her. There was no note, but Erin knew Abby had always been an early riser and was the first one to wake up every day.

For the first time in days, and despite the messy situation she found herself in, she felt hope things would get better.

\---

It took a couple of days for Erin to finally talk to Patty about the kiss. Until then, it was like there was an unspoken agreement between them and everything went on as usual. For that, Erin was grateful. She needed the time and space to think about what had happened, and most importantly, _why_ it had happened.

It had taken her a while to realize it, but once she had she didn’t know how she could have been so blind before. Her feelings for Patty had been there for a while, but being the queen of denial Erin had somehow managed to ignore them for as long as possible.

Their friendship had evolved into something far more intimate a long time ago, but it had happened so slowly, and at the same time so inevitably, she had almost missed it.

She tried her best not to panic, and moderately succeeded. Catching feelings for another one of her friends when she was still deep inside the Abby mess was the last thing she would have ever wished, but Patty always brought her such safety and calmness it made her feel more optimistic about this.

Still, there were times when she found herself lost. How could she feel like this for Patty when she was nowhere near being over Abby? She doubted her own feelings, but there were things she couldn’t deny. Now she had kissed Patty the thought of going back to being just friends stung.

She almost wished she could get rid of all those feelings that had put her in such a mess sometimes. But that made her feel like a coward, and after saving New York City Erin had told herself she wouldn’t be a coward again.

“Hey. Can we talk?”   Erin asked Patty while they cooked dinner. They were the only ones who could make something edible, Holtz was completely banned from the kitchen, and they usually took turns preparing meals for the team. Sometimes, though, they liked to cook together when they had the time for a more elaborate meal. It helped them both relax.

“Sure thing, baby.” Patty leaned on the counter and looked at her expectantly. She probably knew what was coming.

“About the other night… I just wanted to say that even though the circumstances weren’t the most appropriate, it was not...” Erin took a deep breath. Even after practicing a speech a thousand times she still couldn’t find the right words.  “I did it because I wanted to. It had nothing to do with… with anything, or anyone else. Just you. Because you’re, you know. You. And I really like you. Because you’re you.”

Erin panicked when Patty didn’t say anything right away. Had she completely misread the situation? Had she went too far with her assumption that the other woman had wanted it as well?

“You’re such a poet.” Patty smiled, and Erin felt like her whole body unclenched.

“Shut up.” She laughed, looking down to hide the blush on her cheeks.

Patty got closer to her and took her hand, waiting for Erin to look at her too. “I like you too, you know?”

Erin beamed, until she realized there was still too much they hadn’t discussed. “I don’t know what we’re supposed to do now.” She confessed, her voice small. “I still have feelings for Abby. But now I have these feelings for you too and I don’t want to mess everything up like I did with her. And I really don’t think it’s fair to you that I…”

“Sweetie, breath.” Patty cut her off. “I know all that. And I don’t mind. All I care about is what you feel for _me_.” Erin opened her mouth, ready to argue, but she quickly continued before she could protest. “And we don’t have to rush into anything. We can go slow, figure it out as we go.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad, I guess.”

“I have something to tell you, though, if we’re going to do this. Promise you won’t freak out.”

Erin crossed her arms. “You’re not helping by saying that.”

“Holtz and I slept together.”

“You what?” She almost couldn’t believe what she was hearing, and Patty was acting so calmly about it for a moment she thought she was messing with her.

“The night you and Abby went to that event.”

“What? How could… you know they are together! And here I was feeling terrible about a _kiss_ , and you’ve been what, hooking up with Holtz whenever…”

“Abby knows.”

Was it really possible to faint from shock? Because Erin was starting to feel lightheaded and she leaned on the counter for support.

“It’s okay. They kind of have an open relationship, but I felt like I needed to tell you especially if we’re going to try something here. I feel bad for not telling you before, but I didn’t know how you’d react and with all the fighting with Abby.” Patty sighed.

“It’s okay. I can totally deal with this.” She didn’t know who she was trying to convince, Patty or herself. “Why didn’t you tell me about their relationship?” Erin asked, a little hurt that after everything she had been kept in the dark. She had talked to Patty about how bad she felt that she could have messed up Abby and Holtz’s relationship and now she felt like a fool.

“I thought it wasn’t my place. I thought you’d talk to Abby and you guys would figure it out.” Patty squeezed her hand. “I hated keeping it from you, I didn’t know everything would get so out of hand.”

“That’s okay.” Erin sighed as she rubbed her forehead, inadvertently messing up her bangs. “I know you would have told me if you felt like you could. And I really should have tried to talk things out with Abby.” She admitted. It was all too much to process at the moment, so she resorted to resting her head on Patty’s shoulder and wrapping her arms around her waist. Being close to her always made her anxiousness lessen.

“Are we okay?” Patty asked as she ran her hand up and down her back and pressed a kiss to her temple, and Erin was surprised to hear a hint of doubt in her tone.

“We are.”

“You still want to try this?”

“I do.” Erin pulled back to be able to look into her eyes when she said it.

“Yeah?” There it was again. The smile that made Erin’s stomach do flip-flops.

“Yeah.”

Patty’s hand was on her neck, tracing circles with her thumb and Erin felt the same mix of nervousness and excitement she had experienced just a few nights ago, only this time she knew the alcohol had nothing to do with it.

“Can I kiss you?” She found herself asking softly, and she tilted her head up when Patty nodded to brush her lips against hers.

If she’d thought the first kiss was almost perfect, the second one was even better.

\---

It had been a slow week at the Ghostbusters headquarters. There had only been one minor bust, and they all took advantage of the extra time to get ahead on their research.

Erin had made good on her drunken promise and had taken Patty out on a date that took up pretty much the whole day and had probably been the best one she’d ever been on. They had visited the Museum of the City of New York’s newest exposition, spent hours strolling around the streets of New York while Patty told Erin little-known stories of some of the spots they walked by and finally ended up having dinner.

Erin had had the time of her life and she didn’t want to jinx it, but she thought things were going pretty well. They were keeping it quiet for the moment, since it was so new and the situation at the firehouse was already complicated, but that didn’t stop them from sneaking in a few kisses when no one was around.

Maybe they should have been more careful, but it wasn’t Erin’s fault that her mind tended to go completely blank as soon as Patty started kissing her, and what started as an innocent kiss turned into a heated make out session most of the time. She had never been like these with any of her boyfriends before, but then again, none of them had been half as good at it as Patty.

It was only a matter of time before they got caught, and Erin guessed that in some way she should be grateful it had been Holtz and not Abby. Patty and Erin were lost in their own world, at some point Patty had propped Erin up on the desk and she stood between her legs as they kissed. They certainly weren’t expecting Holtz to come down from the second floor and walk into them in that position.

“Well, ladies, don’t stop on my account.”

Her voice startled Erin and she pulled away as fast as she could. Holtz was looking at them with a smirk, and she wondered just how long she’d been there standing at them. Her cheeks burned red with embarrassment, and she quickly got down from the desk with a small hop. Meanwhile, Patty appeared to be holding back her laughter and Erin glared at her.

“I said don’t stop.” Holtz pouted, and Patty shook her head.

“I’m afraid the show is over.”

“Holtz, are you bleeding?” Erin said after noticing the other woman’s hand poorly wrapped in kitchen paper that was already tainted red.

“Oh, yeah. That’s why I came down, actually, even if the surprise turned out to be really nice.” Erin rolled her eyes. “I kind of cut myself a little bit?”

“A little? You’re dripping blood all over the place.” Erin’s responsible side took over as she took Holtz’s hand in hers and examined the cut. It wouldn’t need stitches, but it would need a better bandage than the flimsy one Holtzmann had improvised. “Let’s go to the bathroom and fix this.”

“Yes, ma’am.” She let herself be led by Erin, while Patty, who didn’t handle the sight of blood too well, said she’d be there if they needed her.

"Sit." Erin instructed pointing at the toilet, and grabbed the first aid kit. Holtz complied without protesting, and Erin started cleaning the wound.

"You should really be more careful." She chastised her, even if she knew her words would fall on deaf ears.

"Yeah, yeah." Holtz said dismissively. "So, you and Patty. Finally."

Erin blushed. "What do you mean, finally?" Holtz just smirked at her, and Erin sighed. "Fine." She bandaged her wound carefully after it was thoroughly cleaned, biting her lip while she wondered if she should ask Holtz the question that had been on her mind ever since Patty told her about what had happened between them.

"Do you know about what happened with me and Abby?" She finally gathered up the courage to ask.

"Of course I know. Abby told me everything that night."

"Oh." Erin kept her eyes fixed on Holtz's hand even though she had already finished her job. "Aren't you mad at me?"

"Why would I be mad at you?" The question sounded so sincere Erin realized once more just how different Holtz and her could be. She _really_ didn't know why Erin would think she was mad at her.

"I kissed her. And I knew you two were together."

"I don't care about that." Holtz frowned. "I care about you and Abby being upset because you're both idiots who won't talk to each other." Erin looked up to her after that.  "I'm not that good at feelings but even I know that."

"She was furious at me. I don't know what I'm supposed to do." Erin couldn't really believe she was asking Abby's _girlfriend_ for advice on how to mend her relationship with her but she was kind of desperate.

"She was _hurt_ because you two kissed and then you went on a date with some dude." Holtz rolled her eyes. "You two are terrible at this."

"I don't understand why you're helping me." Erin said, looking so honestly confused it made Holtz soften.

"I want her to be happy. I want both of you to be happy, and this is making you miserable."

"But you two are-"

"I know she loves you." Holtz cut her off. "I have always known. But just because she loves you too doesn't mean she loves me any less."

Erin closed her mouth, at loss of word after that.

"Think about it." Holtz poked her forehead and smiled. "Thank you for stitching me up." She sat up, grinning as if nothing had happened.

"There were no stitches involved."

"Minor detail, Dr. Gilbert. I'm happy to know I'm in such capable hands if I get injured again."

Erin tried to suppress the smile that threatened to show because of Holtz going back to her blatant flirting. "I would really prefer if you didn't get injured again."

"I make no promises." She winked at her before turning serious for a moment again. "Just talk to Abby, okay? Or Patty and I will have to carry on with our plan of locking both of you up in a room until you've made up."

"You're not serious, right?" Holtz shrugged her shoulders, threw her a mischievous smile, and walked away. "Right?" Erin called out after her, but if she heard her Holtz didn't let it show.


	3. Chapter 3

Erin went looking for Patty after taking care of Holtz’s injury, they really needed to have a serious talk about keeping their hands to themselves in the common areas, and was about to enter the kitchen when she was surprised to hear Abby’s voice instead of Patty’s. Apparently Abby had come back from her errand already, and they were talking in hushed tones although that didn’t keep Erin from hearing her name.

That was what made her stop dead in her tracks and listen in even though she knew she probably shouldn’t.

“Why won’t you talk to her already? She’s miserable, you’re miserable, it’s bringing all of us down.” She heard Patty say.

“If she wanted to talk she would have tried already.”

“C’mon, you know how Erin can be sometimes. I know there’s something else bothering you.”

“I’m scared.” Abby said, so softly Erin almost didn’t catch it. “I’m scared if we talk about this, really talk, she’ll freak out and leave.”

Erin could feel her heart breaking at Abby’s words. Sometimes it hit her just how much she had hurt the other woman when she’d left, and for the umpteenth time she cursed herself for abandoning her best friend.

“Look, I know I wasn’t there the first time and I can only imagine how hard it was for you. But you have to give her a little credit, she’s changed. She’s stronger now.”

Erin could hear Abby sigh. She felt like she was spying on them, but her feet wouldn’t move. She was grateful to Patty for defending her, although she didn’t think she deserved it. 

“She ran right to that guy after we kissed.”

“It was just one date. And you didn’t exactly handle it well either.” It was truly amazing how Patty could tell you to get your shit together and still sound gentle while doing it. “I swear to God Abby, if I have to see you two moping around each other for one more day I’m going to lose it.” She said dramatically, getting a chuckle out of Abby.

“Alright, alright.” There was silence after that, and Erin decided to make her presence known then walking inside as if she hadn’t been hovering right outside the door for a while.

“Hey. What are you guys doing?” She found them standing together, Patty’s arm casually resting around Abby’s shoulders. “I fixed Holtz up. She’ll be okay, until the next time she blows something up.”

“I just came to get some tea.” Patty said, raising her mug and taking a sip. “I’ll go back to my reading now.”

It got tense after she left and Erin and Abby were left alone in the same room for the first time in days. At least they hadn’t been locked in, Erin thought.

“You heard everything we said, didn’t you?” Abby asked,making Erin look down in embarrassment.

“Just the last part. I’m sorry for eavesdropping.”

“It’s okay.” Abby shrugged her shoulders.

They stood in silence for a few more moments, avoiding to look at the other directly until they both started talking at the same time.

“Look, Erin-“

“Abby, I-“

They couldn’t help but smile and Erin waited for Abby to go on.

“We should talk. I made coffee, if you want to.”

“Yeah. That sounds great.”

Quietly, Abby poured some, with cream and sugar just the way she liked it, and they both sat down on stools next to each other. Erin nursed the warm mug in her hands, and looked at Abby out of the corner of her eye.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you the other day, and for saying all of those things.” Abby started slowly.

“You don’t have to apologize.”

“I do. I just… I got so mad thinking that the kiss hadn’t meant anything to you this time either.”

“They always meant something.” Erin looked intently at the drink in front of her. “I was just too much of a coward to admit it before.” Abby didn’t say anything and she didn’t dare look at her to see her reaction so she just kept on. “This time I didn’t say anything because I thought you’d want to forget about it because of Holtzmann.”

“I should have told you about Holtz and me.”

“I’d known from a long time. I caught you two kissing, which you really shouldn’t be doing in her lab because it’s really not safe.”

“You’re right about that.” Erin finally glanced at her and relaxed a little when she saw she was smiling.

“I’m happy for you. Anyone can see you two are great together.” Each of those words hurt Erin like a knife, even if she meant them.

“I’m happy for you too.”

“What do you mean?”

“You and Patty.” Abby told her, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Does everyone know?” Erin asked, only half joking, and Abby shrugged her shoulders. “It’s… pretty great. She’s kind of amazing.” She smiled without even realizing.

“Yeah, she is.”

“I still feel terrible sometimes, though.” Erin confessed, gripping the mug a little tighter.

“Why?”

“Because Patty is perfect, and makes me so happy and I think I love her, but I still can’t help thinking about you all the time and feeling like… and having feelings for you too.”

“Erin…” Abby tried to chime in, but Erin cut her off nervously. She knew that if she lost her nerve now she would never be able to ask what she needed to ask.

“Holtzmann said that you love me. That you love me, and that you love her too. Do you think that’s possible?”

Abby looked right into her eyes when she said “I know it is.” and Erin felt as if the rug had been pulled out from under her feet.

“Oh.” Was all that Erin said, because she couldn’t find the words to explain how all the pieces started to fall into place in that very moment, how she realized that, deep down, she had known all along.

“I’m not leaving.” Is all she managed to say a few seconds after, remembering the words she’d overheard before. “I’m freaking out, but I’m not leaving again.” It probably wasn’t the right thing to say after her best friend had just practically declared her love for her, but it made Abby smile.

“That’s okay. We can take our time to deal with this.” Carefully, Abby put her hand on Erin’s and laced their fingers together. God, Erin thought, she had missed her _so much_.

“Abby.”

“Yeah?”                                            

“I know it too.”

Abby smiled even wider, and Erin felt like the weight of the world had just been taken off her shoulders.

\---

That night, Erin laid on Patty’s bed just like she’d done every night since the previous week. She felt as safe and content as always in Patty’s embrace, enjoying the warmth of her naked skin against hers. Still, the wheels in her mind couldn’t stop turning after everything that had happened that day.

“What are you thinking about?” Patty muttered, tracing circles on Erin's hipbone.

"Nothing." Erin said, her head resting on Patty's chest.

"Baby, I can almost hear it." Erin smiled, it was impossible to hide anything from Patty. Sometimes she thought the other woman knew what she was thinking even before Erin herself did.

"I talked to Abby."

"I noticed. We were all in the same room having dinner and we could actually breathe." She joked, and Erin couldn't help but smile. "I'm glad things are better between you too."

"I still don't know what's going to happen." That was probably what Erin hated the most. She was used to always planning ten steps ahead and making sure everything was under control but now it was as if she was taking steps in the dark without even knowing her destination.

"You worry too much. Everything will work out."

"How do you know that?"

"It always does." Patty shrugged her shoulders, and Erin wished she could take it all as easy as she did.

"Can I ask you something?" She looked up at Patty. "Are you and Holtz... still _seeing_ each other?" Patty and her hadn't said anything about being exclusive, but they had been on several dates and in Erin's previous experience that had always implied some sort of commitment. Her relationship with Patty wasn't like any of the ones she'd been in before, though.

"Not recently, why?"

"I don't know. I just wondered." Her excuses were weak at best, and just the way Patty was looking at her showed she didn't believe them for a second.

"Do you want to talk about something?" Erin cursed her ability to see right through her trying to start a conversation by going around in circles.

"What are we doing? We've never talked about what we are, you know, officially."

"Are you asking me to be your girlfriend, Gilbert?"

"Come on, be serious." Erin whined, she was embarrassed enough to be asking those questions without having to endure Patty's teasing.

"Okay, okay." Patty said, still smiling, and lowered herself so she could be on eye level with Erin. "I really like being with you, and I don't want this to end."

"I don't want it to end either."                                                                

"Then what's the issue?"

"What about Abby and Holtz?" Thankfully, Patty didn't ask what she meant by that and make Erin embarrass herself even further trying to explain it. They both knew fully well what she was trying to say.

"Remember when I told you I only care about how you feel about me? I meant that. This doesn't have to be exclusive. If you have feelings for someone else you should be able to act on them. It doesn't make this any less real."

"So you wouldn't mind?"

"Not at all, baby. Would you?"                       

Erin paused for a second. She didn't want to give an answer that she wasn't completely sure of. Could she handle knowing there was something going on with Patty and Holtzmann? If she was being honest, she had assumed that it was happening during all this time, so she felt pretty confident she would be able to. And she was so relieved that Patty wouldn't mind if something happened between her and Abby, how could she deny the same to her?

It was all so incredibly confusing, but her gut told her it was right.

"I wouldn't either."

Patty grinned widely and Erin knew she had made the right choice. They kissed, one of those slow kisses that left Erin feeling almost dizzy.

"Now that's settled." Patty said a few seconds later. "I have to tell you something."

"What?"

"I'm going back to college and getting my degree."

"Oh my god, that's amazing!" Erin almost jumped out of the bed out of excitement, and Patty grabbed her by the arm so she wouldn't fall, laughing.

She hadn't been able to finish her History degree after her mother got sick, and then she started working at the MTA and didn’t have the time or resources to continue her studies. Lately she had mentioned a few times that she had been thinking about it, but Erin had no idea she had actually applied anywhere.

"I got into NYU. I start next semester."

"I'm so happy for you." Erin smiled so wide her cheeks were starting to hurt and she kissed her again, aiming for a short peck but getting sidetracked when Patty placed her hand on the back of her neck to keep her close and deepen the kiss. 

A kiss turned into several more and with their wandering hands soon they were all worked up again. Erin didn’t mind at all when she got to celebrate with Patty in a whole different way.

                                                                                            ---

Abby and Holtz were just as ecstatic to hear about Patty’s good news. They had in fact suggested ─demanded, according to Erin’s description─ that they went out to celebrate. Abby insisted until Patty, and Erin ─with much more coaxing─ agreed to go out.

Erin had never really been one for clubs, or parties, she rarely drunk and the loud and suffocating atmosphere of such places tended to make her anxious. This time, though, she was willing to make an effort for Patty and to preserve the newfound peace and comfortable mood that had settled between the team again.

After Abby and her talked, things had been much more relaxed and everything seemed to be on the right track again. They all spent time together without it being awkward, and Abby and her were slowly but surely finding their footing again. They finished editing the book and started working together on new projects that reminded Erin of their best times together in the past.

They hadn’t really talked about what was going on between them again, but Erin had noticed how they always seemed to be closer together than it was necessary whenever they were working or merely talking and how Abby was always touching her somehow; lacing their fingers together, a hand on the small of her back, smoothing out her bangs gently when Erin ruffled them by running her fingers through them unconsciously, leaning on her when they were on the couch watching a movie.

Erin felt her heart soar with every little one of these shows of affection. It was as if now that they both knew where they stood, Abby didn’t feel like she had to hold back and for that Erin was grateful and always returned the little touches with a smile and gave her the same attention whenever the occasion surfaced.

They were going slowly, but Erin was enjoying every step of the way.

Her progression with Abby wasn’t the only thing she had noticed. She wondered if it was because now she knew what to look for or if they were all being more open now that things were less tense, but it was undeniable her relationship with Abby wasn’t the only one evolving at the firehouse.

Patty and Holtz kept bickering like an old married couple, and there was an adoration in Holtzmann’s eyes whenever she looked at the taller woman that Erin recognized pretty well since she knew she probably looked at Patty in the same way. And, for all of Patty’s complaints about Holtz’s recklessness, it was obvious that things were going pretty well between them, even if Erin only took into account all the times she’d found them curled up on the couch being completely adorable. Meanwhile, Abby and Holtz kept working like a well-oiled machine together, and their relationship seemed to be as strong as ever.

Whatever pangs of jealousy Erin felt from time to time they vanished soon enough whenever she spent time with Patty or Abby. She had feared her insecurities would get the best of her, but so far she had managed to keep them under control. The fact that the other women always showed such care and consideration towards her certainly helped.

She still wasn’t completely sure about whatever was going on. She didn’t know how it would work in the long run, or even _how_ it was going to work, but she couldn’t deny the fact that she had never felt so content and happy and _loved_ as she did now.

She had spent most of her life feeling completely lonely, isolated from everyone else. The only refuge was science and her work, but after so much time alone she had finally found what felt like family.

She was surer with every day that passed that whatever was happening between the four of them was something _good_.

“Damn, Erin.” Holtz wolf whistled, her feet propped up on her desk, when she saw Erin. “You look like a million bucks.”

“Thanks.” She hardly blushed whenever Holtzmann gave her one of her usually strange compliments, and was weirdly proud of that fact. “You look pretty nice to too.” Holtz had the ability of making her eccentric outfits look good, but that night she had actually picked out a pretty nice blazer to go with a shirt and pants that didn’t clash too badly.

“Had to clean up, couldn’t go out with three gorgeous ladies looking anything but my best.” She winked at Erin, who just smiled fondly and shook her head.

“C’mon, Abby and Patty are already downstairs in the cab waiting for us.” Holtz didn’t waste any time tossing the piece of metal she had been tinkering with and hopping out of the stool she had been sitting on and following Erin all while talking about her new prototypes for more powerful guns.

“Are you talking about those new guns again? Oh my God, Holtzy.” Patty rolled her eyes, exasperated, when they joined them in the cab, Holtz still talking. She pouted while Abby and Erin laughed.

“Why are you so cold, Patty?”

“You talked about those things for two hours yesterday! And I didn’t even understand half of what you were saying.”

“I thought you loved the sound of my voice.” Abby passed an arm around Holtz’s shoulders and squeezed, and she leaned into her.

“You can talk to me about your guns anytime, honey.”

“Have I told you lately how much I love you?”

“Not as much as you’ve said it about those guns.” They all laughed, even Holtz, who had given up on pretending to be offended and just sit there with a shit-eating grin.

“So, where are we going?” Erin asked, trying keep her nerves under control. Patty soothingly rubbing circles on the back of her hand was helping a little.

“Oh, it’s a great place. Nothing too wild.” Abby reassured her, she knew those kind of places weren’t really her scene, while Holtz nodded. “We’ll have fun, have some drinks, dance a little. You’ll see.”

“Yeah, baby. We’ll have a great time.” Patty added, and Erin felt a little more relaxed for the rest of the ride.

\---

The club Abby and Holtz had taken them to was pretty packed by the time they got there. The music was loud and the beat thundered through her body. Despite that, Erin found herself feeling excitement instead of the anxiousness she had been anticipating. Patty gently guided her through the crowd, hand on her back, and Holtz and Abby practically jumping around her animatedly made her smile and feel at ease.

They all headed straight to the bar where Abby insisted on buying them all the first round. They all downed a shot which made Erin’s eyes water but she didn’t refuse when they immediately ordered another one.

“I can’t wait anymore.” Holtz said before bolting towards the dancefloor, grabbing Patty’s hand to take the other woman with her. Abby and Erin went right behind them, and for once Erin forgot about appearances and just focused on having fun with the three women that meant the most to her. Her dance moves were probably pretty awkward, especially since she had no clue about how one was supposed to dance to that kind of music, but she didn’t care at all.

She let Patty show her how to follow the rhythm as they danced closed and they laughed at Holtz’s eccentric moves. She didn’t know how much time they spent dancing before Erin went to get a drink but it was probably a long while. She had sat down on a stool with a fruity drink that looked really appetizing when Holtzmann appeared out of nowhere and joined her.

“How are you doing?” She asked Erin, her hair that was usually perfectly styled despite the apparent messiness was already in disarray from all the wild dancing.

“Great.” Erin grinned. She took a sip of her drink and offered it to Holtz, who took one as well slurping loudly through the straw. “You were right, this is fun.”

“When have I ever been wrong?”

“Well, there was that one time you said nothing would explode, and then-“ Erin teased, until Holtz cut her off by placing a finger on her lips.

“Nothing worth mentioning.” Erin chuckled, and searched for the other two amongst the crowd. She was completely caught out of guard when she found them. Abby and Patty were dancing together, so closely they seemed to be glued to one another, and the way they grinded against each other could only be described as sinful.

Erin got so caught up in watching them, her mouth actually hanging open, that she didn’t even hear Holtz talking to her. The blonde woman eventually realized the source of her distraction and quickly forgot what she was ranting about as she stared at them too.

“Damn.” She let out in a deep voice. Erin could only nod and swallow audibly.

“Yeah.”

Sooner than they both would have liked, the song ended and another with a slower pace came on, prompting Patty and Abby to stop dancing for a moment as they high-fived as if they hadn’t just been putting on one of the sexiest shows Erin had ever witnessed. She was pretty sure she had started sweating and it wasn’t because of the temperature inside the club.

“I’m heading out for five minutes, wanna come?” Holtz asked her as she fixed the bowtie she was wearing.

“Outside? Sure.” Some fresh air would certainly do her some good at the moment.

It was pretty cold outside and Erin had left her jacket in the cloak-room so she couldn’t hide the shiver that went through her body as soon as they stepped out.

“You cold?” Holtzmann didn’t wait for an answer before taking off her own jacked and putting it on Erin’s shoulders, who didn’t put much of a fight. It was really chilly. “Abby and Patty will be dancing for a while, so I figured it might be a good time for a smoke.”

Erin nodded, wrapping the jacket around her tighter, before realizing she had never seen Holtzmann smoking. “Holtz, you don’t smo-.” She shut up as soon as she saw her lighting up something that although bared a resemblance to a cigarette Erin was pretty sure it wasn’t. “Are you smoking _weed_?” She whispered, sounding a little more scandalized than she’d like. She didn’t want Holtzmann to laugh at her saying she was too uptight. “Didn’t you drink before? Isn’t that dangerous?”

“C’mon, Erin.” Holtz took a deep hit and exhaled all the smoke slowly. “A little pot never hurt anyone.”

“I’m pretty sure it _has_.”

Holtz shrugged her shoulders and took another hit before offering the joint to Erin, who stared at it as if it was one of her most dangerously looking inventions. “You can try it for yourself if you want to.” She told her casually.

_Fuck it_ , Erin thought. If there was a night to try this kind of stuff it was certainly that one. “Well, in the spirit of the scientific research I guess I could try.” Holtz smiled one of her almost maniacal grins and instructed her on how to inhale properly in order to make the most of it.

It took a few hits for Erin to start feeling the effects. Her limbs felt heavy and she was oddly relaxed but kind of exhilarated at the same time. She didn’t know how much time Holtz and her spent sitting on the sidewalk next to the club entrance, talking and laughing at the most stupid things.

“How did you know about this place?” Erin asked out of the blue, because Holtz and Abby didn’t really seem like the type to frequent these kind of places but they obviously had been there before.

“We used to come here a lot before. Abby likes to dance so it cheered her up when she was sad. She used to be sad a lot.” Holtz grimaced, and Erin looked down. It wasn’t hard to guess the cause of all that sadness.

“It’s okay, Erin. You came back.” She squeezed her shoulder.

“I’m really happy she had you, you know? When I wasn’t there.” If one thing had been obvious from the first moment she met Holtzmann was that she really cared about Abby. She was fiercely protective of her and they shared a closeness Erin had envied at first, but then she had grown to appreciate.

She knew how hard it was to be lonely, and because of that she would be forever grateful to Holtz for being there for Abby when she hadn’t been able to.

“Aw, Erin.” Holtz gushed at her words and engulfed her into a hug clumsily, and Erin patted on her shoulder.

“What the hell are you two doing out here?” Patty’s voice interrupted their moment, and they looked up at her trying to appear as innocent as possible. They had been so caught up in their talk they hadn’t noticed her approaching carrying all of their coats.

“Nothing. Just talking.”

“Sure.” She looked at them, arching her eyebrow as she watched them struggling to get up, leaning on each other and giggling when Holtz almost fell dragging Erin down with her.

“Hi, Patty!” Erin said when they managed to find their balance. “You look beautiful tonight.”

“Duh, she always looks beautiful.” Holtz interjected.

“That’s true.” Erin nodded vigorously, until Patty caught her chin between her fingers and examined her face. She obviously noticed her blown pupils and dopey expression and turned to Holtz with a stern expression.

“Holtzmann did you get Erin high?” That made another fit of giggles erupt, while Holtz tried to defend herself.

“She got high all on her own, Patty. She didn’t need any help.”

“That’s true, baby, Holtz didn’t make me do anything.” Erin snuggled up to Patty, nuzzling her neck with her nose, and the taller woman just sighed.

“I swear I can’t leave you alone. Come on, let’s go find Abby and go home.” She passed an arm over Erin’s shoulder and the other over Holtzmann’s to keep them close and make sure they wouldn’t wander off.

“Yes, ma’am.” Holtz said with a two-finger salute. Erin and her kept babbling about Patty’s hair, and her smile, and about how the dress she was wearing looked just dashing on her while the other woman tried to no avail to keep them quiet and guide them to the corner where Abby waited for them.

“Abby!” Erin and Holtz ran when they saw her, almost tackling her to the ground when they hugged her with a little too much enthusiasm.

“What’s happening?” She asked Patty, who was rolling her eyes.

“They smoked weed.” She sighed, and Abby let out a laugh.

“Erin is high?”

“I’ll let you know I’m perfectly fine.” Erin protested when Abby couldn’t stop laughing.

“Sure, honey.” She pinched her cheek, making her pout even harder, and then soothed it with a light kiss. Erin grinned.

Meanwhile, Holtz had managed to leap onto Patty’s back after demanding a piggy ride, and although Patty had refused at first she had given in just like she usually did with Holtz. Despite her complaints, they all knew she had a soft spot for her.

“Saddle up, Holtzy.” Thankfully, she was pretty light and it didn’t take much effort to carry her around until they hailed the first cab they caught sight of to get back to the firehouse.

\---

When Erin woke up it was because of a terrible headache. Apart from that, she was feeling pretty cozy, surrounded by warmth. When she opened her eyes, struggling because of the sunlight that blinded her momentarily, the first thing she noticed was the fact that she wasn’t in her room, or even Patty’s.  She was in the firehouse, though, and slowly memories from last night started flooding back.

Them going back home in the cab, Holtz and her insisting on making a pillow fort when they arrived. Apparently getting high brought out Erin’s most childish side. Abby had quickly agreed with them, and Patty knew better than to not give in when the other three got their mind set on some crazy idea.

They had built the fort, going as far as dragging a couple of mattresses from their bedrooms to the living room, and they had stayed up until really late drinking hot cocoa and telling each other stories. It sounded stupid and really not something adults should be doing, but Erin remembered how nice and perfect it had felt even if details were still fuzzy.

The last thing she could recall was her starting to get really sleepy and she could only guess she’d dozed off shortly after. She couldn’t have been the only one, because once her eyes adjusted to the morning sunlight again she could see Abby was behind her, snoring softly while she spooned her, and Holtz’s blonde wild hair in front of her.  She lifted her head slightly to check that Patty was still there as well, sleeping on her back with Holtz half sprawled on top of her.

Erin allowed herself to stay in that position for a few more minutes, in that oasis of calmness and safety. She should be panicking in that moment, she knew that. Or, at least, the Erin from a few months ago would have been panicking, overthinking what had happened, why she felt so at home in that moment, what it all meant. But, for whatever reason, she couldn’t bring herself to care. Despite the hangover, she was happy. She had been so lonely for so long that not even in her wildest dreams she could have imagined being able to feel this loved.

She was so little used to what that felt like she hadn’t even recognized it at first.

She hadn’t realized that every time Abby brought her coffee just the way she liked it and her favorite pastries from the bakery down the street after she’d been trying to crack an equation for hours, every time Patty hugged her out of the blue, or every time Holtz shared her precious Pringles with her it and tried to make her laugh was because of that. They loved her. She didn’t care in what capacity, not really. Not when she now knew she mattered to those three women just as much as they mattered to her.

After a few more minutes of self-indulgence, she carefully moved Abby’s arm from her waist and got up as stealthily as she could in order not to wake the others up. After going to the bathroom and some freshening herself up, she headed straight to the kitchen. Her head was pounding and her stomach felt weird, but she figured it would all get better after an aspirin and eating something. She imagined the others would feel the same once they woke up, so she decided to make breakfast for all of them since she was already up.

Thankfully, Abby and Patty had gone grocery shopping the day before so their pantry was fully stocked and she could go all out; eggs, bacon, pancakes. The bacon was on the pan and she was making scrambled eggs when Abby walked into the kitchen rubbing her eyes and looking as if she was still half-asleep.

“G’morning” She muttered, barely intelligibly. Erin, who by that time had already taken the aspirin and downed some coffee, greeted her way more cheerfully. She handed Abby another pill and her favorite mug filled with coffee.

“I’m making breakfast for the four of us. Just sit and I’ll be done in a moment.”

“You’re a godsend, Erin Gilbert.” Abby said after taking a sip out of the steaming cup. “But I feel bad with you doing all the work.”

“Maybe you can take care of the toast. That’s all I can trust you with.”

“Harsh.” Abby complained, but with a little smile that gave her away.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Erin asked after a brief comfortable silence. She had caught Abby openly staring at her as she cooked with a look on her face she couldn’t quite decipher. It made her feel warmth all over.

“No reason.” Abby kept looking at her in the same way, not seeming embarrassed to be caught doing it at all.

“Sure.” Erin shook her head, smiling, and started serving the food in four different plates. She took the time to make arrange it so it would look like a smiling face, it was dorky and childish but she felt like doing it that morning. At least she was pretty sure Holtz would enjoy it.

Suddenly she felt Abby’s arms wrap around her waist, hugging her from behind. For a second she stiffened, being taken off guard, but she quickly relaxed into the embrace. “That looks really cute.” Abby stood up on her tippy toes to see the plates.

“It’s pretty stupid.” Erin said, embarrassed.

“Stupid? It’s adorable. I love it.” She squeezed her a little tighter and placed a kiss on her shoulder before letting her go. Erin turned around to look at her, smiling shyly.

“You’re adorable.” Erin replied, feeling courageous, as she attempted to fix Abby’s hair a little, which was messy from sleep, and down instead of the usual ponytail. She ran her fingers through it tenderly, pretending not to notice when Abby blushed. “I like your hair like this.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Not that I don’t usually like it, well, you know.” Erin bit her lip, knowing she’d only get into a bigger mess if she kept talking. “But I really like it like this.” Her fingers were still playing with Abby’s hair, she gently pulled an unruly lock behind her ear.

“I never thought I’d get you like this. That’s why I was looking at you like that before.” Abby began saying softly. “I thought that I’d never get to see you again, and I would have never dreamed I’d be able to be with you like this, watch you make breakfast, joke with you. I know we’re not yet… we’re taking it slow. But still.”

She took a deep breath and Erin was grateful when she spoke again because she didn’t think she’d be able to do it. “And it’s pretty amazing, you know. Way better than how I had imagined it when I thought I couldn’t have it. Because it’s real.”

“Oh, Abby.” Erin breathed out, closing the little distance left between them to hug her as tightly as she could. She didn’t know for how long they stood there hugging fiercely, Abby’s face buried in her neck, but when they finally stepped back they were both smiling so wide their cheeks almost hurt.

“You know, about that taking it slow thing.” Erin brought it up as casually as she was able to. “I’ve been thinking. Would you like to go have dinner with me tomorrow night? Just the two of us, you know.” She was pretty proud of how smoothly she had done it. When she had imagined asking Abby out in her mind it usually involved a lot more of awkwardness from her side.

“I think I’d love that.” Abby’s smile shone a little brighter.

“Great. So it’s a date.”

“It’s a date.”

“I smell bacon!” Holtz’s loud voice coming from outside the room startled them and shortly after they heard Patty’s as they got closer.

“For God’s sake Holtz don’t yell like that.” She grumbled as they both entered the kitchen. Holtz looked surprisingly well after last night, even if her hair was messier than usual, and Patty looked pretty miserable.

“Good morning, guys.” Abby said to them as she brought the plates to the table and they all sat down.

“It’s not a good morning. How am I the only one hungover here?” Patty whined.

“You’re not, sweetie. But Abby and I have been up for a while so we’ve dealt with it.” Erin told her and she brought her a cup of coffee and an aspirin for her as well. Holtz didn’t really seem like she needed it. “Here you go. This will make you feel better.”

“Thanks babe, you’re the best.” Patty smiled for the first time since she woke up and leaned closer to Erin to give her a quick peck, which made Abby and Holtz coo at them. Erin blushed, not really used to the displays of affection in front of the others, but she quickly got over her mild embarrassment and sat on the stool next to Abby since Patty and Holtz were already sitting on the two in front of theirs.

“You did all of this?” Holtz asked, pointing at the food with her fork.

“Abby helped.”

“I made the toast.”

Holtz nodded approvingly. “I’m so proud of you Abby. It’s not even burnt”

“Thanks, honey.”

“I really don’t know how you two survived before Erin and I arrived.” Patty said looking at them amusedly.

“You’ve certainly improved our lives. Even I got tired of soup sometimes.” Abby joked.

“I love the smiley face, Erin.” Holtz said appraisingly, looking like a kid on Christmas morning.

“Thanks. But you we should eat it before it gets cold, so come on.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice.” The blonde woman replied before digging into her food.

In between eating everything up like they hadn’t eaten in months they all praised Erin’s cooking, while she tried to brush it off saying it wasn’t that big a deal. She ate slowly, listening to the others chat animatedly, complain about their hangovers and reminisce the previous night.

“You were pretty funny high, Erin.” Holtz winked at her. “Wanna try again some time?”

 “Some time.” She smiled at her. Abby and Patty acted shocked.

“You’ve already corrupted our innocent Erin.” Abby pretended to reprimand her.

“Not as much as I would like.” She smirked.

“Holtzy!” Patty shook her head. “You’re shameless.” She looked as seriously as she could at Holtzmann while Abby and Erin snickered.

When they finished, they all insisted in taking care of cleaning things up and let Erin rest since she had prepared breakfast (mostly) by herself. She watched them with an enamored look as they did the dishes while dancing and singing out loud to the radio which was playing Bruno Mars, letting herself be roped into it by Abby who dragged her out of her seat not even caring her hand was still full of soap. She spun Abby around and cheered at Patty and Holtz as they showed off their best moves.

How she’d been able to get this lucky, Erin would never know.


	4. Chapter 4

“So, what movie are we watching?” Abby asked her as they arrived at the cinema. It was an old place, small and Erin wouldn’t have known it was there if she hadn’t stumbled into the event they were going to tonight the other day while she was online.

“It’s not a movie.” She replied cheekily, walking side by side with the other woman with her hands in the pockets of her coat.

“Oh, mysterious. Then what is it?”

“You’ll see soon enough.” Just as Erin had predicted, it wasn’t long until Abby noticed the posters hung all over the place that announced there was a projection of the pilot of their all-time favorite TV show tonight.

“We’re watching The X Files? On the cinema?” Abby turned to her, almost bouncing on her feet. “How did you find out about this?”

“Luck, mostly.” Erin admitted and shrugged her shoulders, smiling after seeing her idea for their date hadn’t been a complete failure. She had been trying to convince herself that it wasn’t a big deal so she wouldn’t be as nervous, but she couldn’t fool herself. Her first real, official date with Abby was a pretty big deal and she wanted it to be perfect. She had been looking for ideas long before she asked her out, and luckily she had found out about this just in time.

It was a bit cliché, going to the movies, but Erin had always been fond of clichés. A hopeless romantic, Patty called her, and she wasn’t wrong. When she had told her about the idea, not without still feeling kind of awkward about it all, Patty had said it sounded great and that she should totally go ahead with it. That had put Erin at ease, but until she saw Abby’s reaction she hadn’t been completely sure.

“Do you like it?”

“It’s great. You know The X Files is the way to my heart. I didn’t know you had this much game, Gilbert.” Abby curled her arm around Erin’s and led her inside after they’d bought their tickets.

“I have my moments.” Erin joked, smiling shyly.

“Let’s go buy popcorn and soda. You’re gonna have to buy me the biggest bucket, I’m sorry but I plan to take advantage of the fact that you, so chivalrously, offered to pay for everything.”

“I don’t mind at all.” It was the least she could do, Erin thought. She felt like a nervous teenager at her first date ever as they looked for their sits and got themselves settled, carefully trying not to drop the drinks or the popcorn.

“Is it weird that I’m nervous?” Erin muttered to Abby as they waited for the lights to dim and for the show to start. This was her best friend. No matter how much time they had spent apart, Abby would always be her best friend, the girl who had sat down with her at lunch when she was alone and hadn’t been scared of the bullies, the only person who had always believed her, and believed in her. So why couldn’t she calm down?

“I’m nervous too, you know.” Abby admitted, turning her head to face her. “If that makes you feel any better.”

“It actually does.”

“Good.” They smiled at each other, and Erin took a hold of Abby’s hand and held it tightly as the lights went out.

Erin didn’t know how they hadn’t been kicked out. They had spent the whole episode whispering to each other and cracking up at all their inside jokes. They had watched that pilot so many times they both could probably quote it from start to finish even if it had been years since they had last watched it.

It had felt like they were back at college and all that time apart had never happened, it had been just like before, or even better. And, as they walked out of the cinema, holding hands and still laughing, Erin felt lighter somehow.

“That was awesome.” Abby tugged her closer so their arms were brushing each other’s as they walked, and Erin nodded.

“So, how would you grade this date so far?” Erin asked her, teasingly, and Abby pretended to be deep in thought for a few seconds.

“A B.”

“Just a B?”

“It may rise to an A if you buy me some food.”

“Well, of course. I’ll even let you pick the place.” Abby’s mischievous look at that should have been the first thing that hinted Erin wouldn’t like her choice.

“Awesome.” They headed back to the firehouse, luckily it wasn’t really far away and Erin was really enjoying their walk together with them talking about their last busts, Kevin finally figuring out how to send an email, and about the last paper on particle physics Erin had just read.

“I don’t think you even know how brilliant you are.” Abby told her after she had spent at least five minutes ranting about it.

Erin was kind of taken aback and she could only shake her head bashfully. She knew she was smart, but Abby had said it with such a sense of wonder she didn’t think she deserved.

“I’m serious. You’re a genius, Erin. I read everything you published, you know. While we were apart. You got published in some of the most prestigious journals!”

“It’s not that big a deal.” She tried to shrug it off, already feeling her cheeks redden.

“Of course it is. Your mind is one of a kind. It’s why I’ve always loved working with you.” Erin didn’t quite know what to say to all those compliments, so she just wrapped her arm around Abby’s shoulder and pulled her even closer.

“I love working with you too. You’re the one who understands me the most. You always have.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” They walked in silence for a few more minutes, both wearing big, stupid grins on their faces. That was until Abby made them stop when they were just a couple of blocks away from home.

“Here we are!”

“Where?” Erin wondered, looking around, and Abby pointed at a food truck across the street.

“Get ready to eat the best hot dog in New York City.”

“Abby, you know I don’t like eating food from the street It’s unsanitary.” Erin complained, eyeing the truck warily as they approached it.

“You said I got to choose. You can’t back down now, it’s bad date etiquette.”

“Fine.” Erin rolled her eyes, although a small smile made its way to her lips. Abby was being too cute to resist, so she let her order for the both of them and tried not to look to grossed out when she handed her the hot dog which seemed to be filled with every topping imaginable.

“Trust me, you have to try it.”

“If I get food poisoning I’m suing this truck, and you.” Erin threatened her before taking a small bite, careful not to make a mess. Abby, on the other hand, munched on it happily as she looked at her expectantly.

“So?”

“I’ll admit it’s quite good.” It was pretty delicious for something that looked so disgusting, but Erin had her pride.

“You love it. Admit it.” Abby teased her as they started walking to the firehouse again.

“It’s better than I thought it’d be.” That was all Erin would admit and they both knew it, so Abby seemed pretty proud of herself for the rest of the walk.

“So, did I get an A?” Erin asked, almost timidly, when they stood in front of the door as they waited for Abby to find her keys in her purse.

“Yeah, you definitely did.” She finally managed to find them and showed them to Erin triumphantly. She glanced at the door, but hesitated for a moment instead of going to open it. “But you could still get an A+ and I know from a good source you’re an overachiever.”

“And how could I do that?” The butterflies in her stomach were back again. Erin didn’t know if it was because of nerves or excitement. She had a feeling she knew what Abby was going to say next.

“The best dates usually end with a goodnight kiss on the doorstep. Even if we are both going inside because we live in the same place.” Abby seemed to lose some of her confidence and sounded a little more nervous than before, but it kind of reassured Erin. They were both in the same place.

“Well, it’s true I am an overachiever.” She noticed Abby’s gaze dropping to her lips as she tentatively took a step forward, getting into the other woman’s personal space. Her left hand settled on Abby’s waist while the other raised to cup her cheek and she slowly but surely leaned in until her lips found Abby’s in a soft kiss.

The innocent touch of lips quickly became much more passionate when Erin pulled her even closer and Abby deepened the kiss, tangling her fingers in the other woman’s hair. She didn’t know how long they spent on the doorstep, but the next thing she knew they were both breathing hard and clinging to each other as if their lives depended on it.

And maybe it was just their first date, but the thing between them had been building for _so long_ Erin knew in that moment, looking into Abby’s eyes, that tonight wasn’t going to end with just a kiss. They hurried inside the building, giggling as they walked upstairs.

They could barely keep their hands off each other as Abby led them to her bedroom through the dark room, and they stumbled and almost fell a few times. They didn’t even think about where the hell were Patty and Holtz since the building seemed to be deserted, they were too busy getting to a bed without stopping their kisses long enough to see where they were going.

“Are you sure?” Abby asked after her back hit the mattress and Erin hovered over her. She caressed her cheek tenderly, and Erin smiled. “I remember something about going slow.”

“I’m sure.” She whispered against her neck, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses along it that made Abby’s breath catch in her throat. “I’ve waited long enough.” There wasn’t a trace of hesitation in Erin’s mind as they both undressed each other between kisses and giggles that this was what she wanted, and that she would in no way regret it in the morning.

 

\---

 

Erin woke up to the feeling of soft kisses being peppered along her neck, and she smiled lazily as the drowsiness slowly wore off. Abby’s body was warm against hers and she pulled her even closer, nuzzling her nose in shoulder.

“What time is it?” She mumbled, her eyes closing again when Abby started running her fingers through her hair.

“It’s still early.”

“I don’t want to get up.” Abby let out a chuckle, and pressed a kiss to Erin’s temple.

“I’m afraid we’ll have to.” Erin groaned to show her disagreement. She pulled away just enough to be able to look at Abby, a shy smile beginning to form as she remembered the previous night.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning.” Abby whispered back to her as she traced cheekbone. “So that was a pretty great first date.” Erin let out a laugh at that and leaned in to give her a quick peck.

“It was.”

“Yeah?” There was actually a hint of doubt in Abby’s voice, and Erin knew perfectly well why it was there. She needed the reassurance that Erin was okay with everything that had happened, and she couldn’t blame her for it. Instead, she was determined to make it very clear to Abby that she wasn’t giving up or going anywhere.

“Definitely. It was perfect. All of it.” She bit her lip as she remembered the night they had spent together. It may have not been flawless, first times never were, but that didn’t mean Erin hadn’t enjoyed every single part of it. Abby had made her feel so loved and desired she blushed just thinking about it. She just hoped it had been as good for her as it had been for Erin, and from what she could tell, Abby had enjoyed it as well.

“I’m really glad to hear that.” Grinning like an idiot, Erin cuddled up against Abby, resting her head on her chest. She played with Abby’s hands in hers, taking a moment just to enjoy their closeness and try not to think about what was going to happen when the spell was broken and they walked out of the bedroom, but her overactive brain had other ideas.

It was almost like Abby could sense when her thoughts started going into dangerous territory, and she squeezed her in her arms tightly for a moment. “What are you thinking about?”

“I don’t want to ruin this.” Erin said at first, not wanting to spoil the moment. “With my worrying.”

“You are not ruining anything. I’m asking. What are you worried about?” Abby coaxed her gently.

“What if this doesn’t work?” She sighed. “Right now, it all seems wonderful now but when I actually stop to think about it, it all seems crazy.” Abby didn’t say anything, so Erin kept going letting out all the doubts that had crossed her mind recently and she had pushed back because she didn’t want to panic and ruin everything that was happening between the four of them. “We all work together, we even live together. This could get really messy really fast.”

Abby stayed quiet for a few more seconds, running her fingers up and down Erin’s arm absent-mindedly. “You’re right, it could get messy. And I get that you’re scared. I am too, sometimes. But doesn’t it just feel right? Like the four of us together, it’s how it was meant to be. And maybe it’s complicated or strange when you think about it but if I just go with it, it seems like the most natural thing in the world, do you know what I mean?”

“I do.” Erin felt exactly the same way, and she was relieved to know she wasn’t the only one who had doubts, the only one who worried. The others may hide it better, but they were all facing the same situation. “Lately, I’ve been so happy I don’t even remember the last time I felt this way. Probably never.” She confessed.

“Isn’t that all that matters?” Abby asked her softly. “If something goes wrong, we’ll fix it. Together. We just need to be honest to each other, and talk things out.”

“Do you really think it will work?” Erin looked up at her, and Abby didn’t hesitate for a second before answering.

“I do.”

Erin smiled, feeling considerably better after having gotten all that out from her chest. She kissed Abby again, for a little longer this time, and sighed when it ended, knowing they probably had to get ready for the day pretty soon.

“We better get dressed at least. I don’t trust Holtz not to storm in here any time soon to ask how the date went.” Abby was only half-joking when she said that, but still Erin pouted to protest.

“Five more minutes.” She gave her best puppy eyes at Abby until she had no choice but to surrender and capture Erin’s lips in a kiss again.

“Fine. Five more minutes.”

 

\---

 

Erin stepped out of the shower wrapped in a towel, her skin red from all the time she had spent under the hot water trying to get rid of the ectoplasm she had been covered in. It had been an exhausting day, they'd had a bust that at first had appeared to be easy but turn out to be a nightmare.

The ghost was more powerful than they had expected and the situation had gotten out of their hands pretty quickly. Abby had gotten injured, and although it seemed to be nothing serious they all still insisted on Holtz driving her to the hospital to have her checked out. Patty and Holtz had gone with her after dropping Erin off at the firehouse since she had gotten slimed once more and was covered in the icky substance.

She was worried about Abby, but thankfully as soon as she’d changed into the comfortable clothes she wore around the house she heard the rest of the team coming up and went out to greet them. Patty was helping Abby sit on a wheelchair Holtz was holding, Erin figured she must have carried her upstairs since apparently she still couldn’t walk.

“What did the doctor say? Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine. It’s nothing serious, just a sprained ankle, they told me to rest for a few days. I didn’t even need the wheelchair, but Holtz insisted, I think she plans on taking it apart and making some kind of robot out of it.” Abby tried not to make it a big deal, Erin knew she didn’t like it when people fussed over her too much.

“I will neither confirm nor deny those accusations.” Holtz said and pushed the chair forwards to take Abby to the couch.

“You’ll at least wait until Abby can walk again before doing your weird shit, Holtzy.” Patty ordered in her most authoritative voice, to which Holtz only responded by turning her head and winking at her.

“It’s funny how you keep pretending to be so annoyed by her when we all know she has you smitten.” Erin teased her, and Patty pretended not to hear her.

“Shut up.” She told her, putting an arm around her waist to tug her closer. “Is this my sweatshirt?” Patty asked pointing at the piece of clothing that seemed to be a little too big on Erin.

“It may be.”

“You’re lucky you’re cute.”

Erin laughed and stood on her toes to give her a quick kiss.

“I have to go shower.” Patty sighed, she was still in her ghostbusting coverall and felt pretty disgusting. “So more of this later.” She promised, giving her another peck before stepping away.

“Okay. I’ll order dinner, I think we all deserve a treat tonight.”

“You go do that, baby. I’m sure Abby and Holtz will be glad to hear that too.”

Erin called their favorite pizza place while they all cleaned up, and soon enough they were all in front of the TV surrounded by pizza boxes while trying to choose a movie. They ended up letting Abby pick one because she played the injured card and none of them could stand her puppy eyes.

Holtz and Abby shared the couch while the other two were comfortably snuggled up on the huge armchair Patty had gotten from one of her cousins, Erin on Patty’s lap, just like they usually were on movie night. Abby was making them see _The Empire Strikes Back_ for the hundredth time so none of them were really paying much attention since they could probably quote the whole thing by then.

“Open up, babe.” Holtz insisted on feeding Abby herself, despite the fact that she had not trouble doing that, but she didn’t protest and let her bring the slices of pizza close to her mouth so she could take a bite. Erin had to admit it was pretty cute.

“You know she can eat by herself, right?” Patty teased them.

“I gotta take care of my Abby, Patty. If you want to be fed too ask Erin, I’m sure she’ll do it.”

“I totally will.” Erin nodded and, following Holtz’s queue, lifted a slice of pizza closer to Patty’s mouth, who glared at both of them but ended up biting it.

“Isn’t it nice?” Abby asked her, to which Patty only shrugged her shoulders and grumbled, while Erin and Holtz smiled proudly at each other and tried to hold back laughter.

 

\---

 

“I think I’m going to bed. I’m exhausted.” Patty muttered to Erin as soon as the credits of the movie started rolling. She had been yawning for a while, so it was no surprise. Erin, though, didn’t feel tired at all so she gave her a kiss on the cheek and let her get up, promising to join her in a while.

Abby had fallen asleep with her head on Holtzmann’s lap, so it was just her and Erin who stayed awake and got caught up talking quietly about one of her newest prototypes that Erin was helping her with dealing with all the theory behind them.

She didn’t know how long they’d been talking for when Abby suddenly started mumbling something in her sleep and tossing. Holtz immediately started trying to wake her up, holding her close and whispering something into her ear Erin couldn’t hear until she calmed down again. The way Holtz dealt with it made it obvious that wasn’t the first time it had happened.

“Is she okay?” Erin asked, the look of anguish on Abby’s face had worried her. She got up from the armchair to sit on the couch next to Holtz, feeling the need to be there to help somehow.

“It’s okay now. She‘s been having these nightmares sometimes.”

“How long has this been happening?”

“A few months. But it’s getting better.”

“Months?” Erin’s chest ached just thinking about it. She looked at Abby, who seemed to be sleeping peacefully again. “Why didn’t she say anything to us?”

“I think she’s ashamed. You know Abby, she always feels like she has to be the strong one.” Holtz smiled, trying to lighten up the mood.

“Yeah, I do.” Erin remembered all the times Abby has stood up for her in front of bullies, or comforted her even though she suffered them just the same.

“She didn’t even want to talk to me about them, but I think it’s about what happened with Rowan.” Holtz looked more downbeat than Erin had ever seen her. She could tell not being able to help Abby much was frustrating for her.

“Probably. I’d hate it too if that creep had done to me what she did to her.” Erin placed a hand on Holtz’s knee and squeezed. “But you said it’s getting better, right? Maybe soon she’ll talk to us about it.”

“Yeah, I hope so.” She did at least manage to wipe that sad look off Holtz’s face, which was a relief. “If this happens when she’s with you, just hold her tight okay? That makes her feel better. And tell her she’s safe and that it’s alright.” She wasn’t used to this Holtzmann, one that was this serious, but then again she was constantly surprising Erin. Just when she thought she had her figured out she uncovered another layer, but Erin felt like the more times that happened the more she grew fond of her.

There was so much more to Holtz than what met the eye, and what was underneath the reckless, quirky surface, and after Erin had started seeing that their relationship had become much easier and a deeper bond had started to form between them.

“I will.” Holtz smiled, and Erin felt a sudden rush of affection towards her thinking, not for the first time, about how well she took care of Abby and how much she obviously loved her. She left a kiss on Holtz's cheek and rested her head on her shoulder, missing the light blush on the blonde’s cheeks after she was taken by surprise. “She’ll be fine. We’re all here for her.”

“Yeah.” Holtz said, running her fingers through Erin’s hair slowly. “I'm sure she will be.”

 

\---

 

Abby needed to rest for a week and Patty and Erin made sure that doctor's orders were followed to the letter.  She was only allowed to do research and work that didn't require much physical exertion, and although she complained often about them being overly protective the other two didn't budge.

Holtz, Erin and Patty took care of the busts and spent pretty much all the time at the firehouse fussing over her. There had almost been an accident when Holtz and Abby had been playing around and Holtz pushing the wheelchair had and almost ended up with them falling down the stairs, but after a serious reprimand from Erin and Patty they had seemed ashamed ─or scared─ enough not to try anything like that again.

On Friday evening, after a quiet day, Patty and Erin went out to grab dinner. A new place that apparently made delicious hamburgers had opened up recently and Abby and Holtz had wanted to try them for weeks but they could never find the time. So they’d had the idea to pick up dinner that night and give them a pleasant surprise.

As they had expected, there was a long line at the door but luckily they were able to pull the Ghostbusters card and could skip most of it. Their job was not without its perks, and the longer they did it the more people recognized them and their work, something Erin was really grateful for. The mayor’s support was still under wraps, but at least most people knew they were for real and that made it all much easier to deal with.

While they waited for their order to be ready Erin leaned on Patty’s side, whose arm circled Erin’s hips loosely. Patty whispered a joke into her ear, which made Erin laugh and press a soft kiss against her lips. It wasn’t often that she gave public displays of affection, it had made her too nervous at first, but she had gotten to a point where she didn’t feel like all eyes were on her when she kissed Patty in front of people.

A few minutes later, they were handed their bags and they were just walking out of the restaurant when Erin saw a familiar face she’d rather not have crossed paths with again. Phil was standing there, waiting in line with a young woman next to him.

“Erin.” He looked at her in a way that almost made Erin fidget as she felt scrutinized under his gaze. “It’s been a long time.”

“Yeah.” Luckily, she thought to herself.

“I hope you’re doing well.” He offered a fake smile, and Erin knew he was just doing it to make her uncomfortable. Patty squeezed her hand to remind her she was right there, but didn’t say anything, letting Erin stand up for herself.

“I am.” She forced a smile of her own, refusing to seem weak in front of him.

“Oh, I’m being so rude. Let me introduce you.” He said casually, turning towards the beautiful woman that accompanied him. “This is Rachel, my fiancé. Rachel, this is Erin. I’ve told you about her.”

Well, that would have hurt if Erin hadn’t gotten over him a long time ago. They had been dating for six months and he barely acknowledged her in public, and now he was engaged to this girl that he couldn’t possibly have been with for that long. Luckily, Erin couldn’t care less about what he did now. She just hoped, for Rachel’s sake, she would treat her better.

“This is Patty.”

“I thought you were dating your other coworker?” Phil’s question seemed innocent enough, but his smirk and the tone made it obvious he just wanted to mess with her. And Erin wanted to wipe that smug look off his face when he saw her faltering and tell him that she was indeed dating Patty, and maybe she was dating Abby too, did he have anything to say about it? But instead of the defiance she wanted to show she just seemed to cower into herself as panic took over her.

“We aren’t dating.” She blurted out. She had no idea why she said that, when she knew it would hurt Patty and that it obviously wouldn’t convince him. It had been so much easier to be brave the last time when she wasn’t telling the truth.

“Oh, well, I was just asking.”  He shrugged his shoulders.

“I think we should get going. Our food is gonna get cold.” Patty finally intervened, rescuing her once again and giving them an excuse to leave.

As they walked away, Erin analyzed the conversation they just had, thinking about every single thing she could have said differently and cursing herself for letting her anxiety take the best of her. She could still feel the knot in her stomach that Phil’s questions had caused. She felt so guilty and embarrassed after having denied her relationship with that she couldn’t even look at Patty.

She didn’t know why she couldn’t just stop caring about other people, why the thought of having to explain her relationship made her so incredibly anxious. She had panicked the moment she started thinking about it.

Abby and Holtz were just as excited as they had imagined they’d be when they showed them what they had bought. They didn’t even notice that there was something amiss between Erin and Patty as they took everything out of the bags and started bickering over how they would share it.

There had been an awkward silence between them all the way back, and Erin knew she had to at least try to fix things, so she took advantage of the distraction to pull Patty aside and try to talk to her.

“Can we talk?”

“Sure.” Patty didn’t even look mad, but somehow that made it even worse. She may not have been angry, but Erin could tell that her words hadn’t been harmless.

“I should have told him we’re dating. I shouldn’t have denied it, like this is nothing.” She was angry at herself, that was obvious. She crossed her arms and looked down. “I got so nervous when he started questioning me, and I couldn’t say it even though I wanted to and I don’t want to make you feel like I’m ashamed because it’s really not that.”

“I know you’re not ashamed. And I know why you did it.” Patty sighed, and Erin knew she wouldn’t be able to mend this just with a few words. They hadn’t had a real fight before, their relationship had been so easy and comfortable until that moment, and she was afraid to think she might have jeopardized that with her fear. “It just hurt. I’m sure you mean well but I don’t really want to talk about it right now.”

“Okay.” Erin muttered, trying her best to keep her feelings in check. Patty was the one who had the right to act wounded.

“Let’s go eat dinner, I’m starving, and I don’t want Holtz to have eaten my burger when we go back.” Patty not so subtly changed the subject to go back to the others.

Erin couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened for the whole night.

Overthinking was in her nature, and she couldn't help it. Things had been going really well lately, almost too well. Life had taught her to wait for the other shoe to drop, and deep down she was kind of expecting something to go wrong and ruin the happiness she had found being a Ghostbuster and sharing her life with Abby, Patty and Holtz.

She was still learning how to navigate being with Patty and Abby, and how Holtz fit in the middle of it.

At first, not wanting to make anyone feel left out, she had even attempted to plan some sort of schedule to distribute her time equally. Patty had laughed at her and called it "the most Erin thing she'd ever heard". She didn't know if that was supposed to be a compliment or not, but anyway the schedule was soon forgotten and she let herself go with the flow as they fell into an easy routine that worked for all of them.

Her relationship with Abby was better than ever. Being her friend had always been great, but being something more turned out to be even better. Now that there weren't any grudges or unspoken conversations pending over their heads it was even easier being with her.

She had gotten back her best friend, and an amazing girlfriend at the same time. Now, they shared not only deep conversations, their passion about science and their support for each other, but also long kisses and late nights, a whole new kind of intimacy and a bed ─sometimes with Holtz, who had a tendency of worming her way between them sometimes when they were sleeping and waking them up to cuddle (Erin had gotten used to it by then) ─ and she loved every second of it.

And everything with Patty had been pretty much perfect until that point. She had even been invited to one of her family’s Sunday lunches, which she had been so incredibly nervous about. The moment she was inside her parent’s house, though, they had made her feel nothing but welcome. They had all been so lovely, she knew where Patty got it now, and she had felt more at ease in that loud, almost chaotic, household than she had even felt with her own family.

God, that just made her feel even guiltier. Patty had introduced her as her girlfriend to her _family_ and she couldn’t even say it to her asshole ex. She was such a disaster. Would she ever be able to be open about her relationships with other people? She didn’t think so. And Patty and Abby deserved so much more than someone who was too afraid to admit to other people that she loved them.

It wasn’t new, the voice in her head that told her she wasn’t enough for them, that she didn’t really deserve them. But the events of that evening had made it stronger, and she couldn’t shake those thoughts away no matter how hard she tried.

The others obviously caught up on the fact that there was something wrong since Patty was way quieter than usual and Erin seemed to be lost in her own world. Erin was expecting them to interrogate her about how she had messed it up this time when Patty excused herself and said she would be having an early night, but thankfully no one said anything. Abby looked at her weirdly, as if she was trying to figure it out just by staring, but that was it.

Instead, she must have decided to take another approach and said she was following Patty’s queue and calling it a night as well. It was pretty transparent she was going to try and talk to her, and Erin felt her stomach twist at the thought of both of them being disappointed in her.

Erin could tell she wasn’t going to be able to fall asleep any time soon, so she grabbed a beer and let herself fall on the couch, looking dejected. She was going to turn on the TV when Holtzmann jumped over the couch and fell at her side, startling her.

“Jesus, Holtz.”

“Whatcha thinking about, Erin?”

“Nothing.” She turned the bottle around in her hands to keep them busy.

“You have been awfully quiet.”

Erin shrugged her shoulders, and seeing she wasn’t getting any verbal response Holtz poked at her side.

“Holtz, stop, you know I’m ticklish.”

“Yeah, I know.” She grinned wolfishly, and Erin knew what was coming.

“Don’t you dare.” She warned, raising a finger at her. “I’m not in the mood.”

Holtz pouted, but she must have figured out it really wasn’t the night for her usual tickling treatment for cheering Erin up.

“What’s wrong?” She asked her, more seriously this time, leaning her elbow on the back of the couch. “I don’t like seeing my Erin looking all sad.” She said in a childish voice, which at least elicited the smallest smile from Erin. 

“I fucked up. Again.” She took a swig of beer, ignoring Holtz’s concerned frown.

“Did something happen with Patty? Because once she got really mad at me when I spilled acid on one of her books, but then I bought her flowers and another book and she forgave me, so I can help you if you need to pick a bouquet.”

“I don’t know if it’s the kind of thing you can fix with flowers.” She muttered bitterly.

“Nonsense. You can fix anything ny giving a lady flowers, Gilbert.” Holtz told her in a ridiculous English accent. “But you’ll have to explain to me what happened so I can recommend you which ones are appropriate.”

And so Erin did. She told her everything that had happened when they had gone out for dinner, and Holtz listened attentively. She was really grateful for her not looking like she was judging Erin at all.

“Patty will understand. You panicked, he was being an asshole.” She tried to comfort her.

“I know she will. And she’ll forgive me, because we all know Patty is nice like that. But I hurt her and I feel terrible about it.” She sighed and took another sip. “But it all got me thinking, how many more times am I going to hurt her like that? And Abby? I know myself. I can’t be open about this. I haven’t even told my parents I’m bisexual.”

“Hey, take it easy.” Holtz said softly to her, and Erin realized she had worked herself up so much her breathing was starting to get shallow. She took Erin’s hand and squeezed it.

“How do you do it?” Erin asked her, resting her head on the back of the couch and trying to take deep breaths.

“What?”

“Not caring about what people think of you.”

“I don’t know.” Holtz shrugged her shoulders. “Guess it’s just the way I am. But just because you care, it doesn’t make you any less great.” Erin snorted. “You’re one of the best people I know.” Holtz added, ignoring her previous reaction.

“I just… I’m a mess. And I thought that being a Ghostbuster, and being with you guys would make it better. But deep down I’m just the same frightened, pathetic Erin I’ve always been.”

“That’s not true.” Holtz sounded far more serious than she ever did, and it made Erin turn to look at her. “You saved the city. You help people every day. And you make us all really happy, Erin. I know that.”

“I can’t even deal with this. And I don’t want that to ruin things.” She left the empty bottle on the coffee table.

“No one said anything about telling everyone about us, okay? It’s none of their business. We’ll figure it out together.”

“That’s what Abby always says.”

“And you know Abby’s really smart so she must be right about this.”

“Yeah. She must be.” Erin said, feeling like the pressure on her chest was finally starting to diminish. Holtz smiled and wrapped her in a tight hug, and she let herself be held by her.

“You are allowed to mess up sometimes, you know. We’ll love you anyway.” Holtz whispered, and Erin just held her even closer.

“I know.”

 

\---

 

Erin wasn’t sure when she had started taking advice from a woman that went through at least four fire extinguishers every week, but there she was, in front of the library, holding the bouquet Holtzmann had helped her buy waiting for Patty to come out. She had spent the morning there doing research, and she was supposed to meet Erin after to have lunch together.

When she appeared and saw the flowers Erin was holding, she smiled and shook her head.

“You really didn’t need to, you know.” Patty said, but took them anyway and brought them closer to her face to smell them.

“I felt like I did.”

“Holtzy had something to do with this, didn’t she?”

“Maybe.” Erin tried to play coy. “I know it’s silly, I just wanted to make it up to you somehow.”

“Well, they are beautiful, so you’re starting off on a good foot.” Patty told her, leaning in to leave a kiss on her cheek.

Erin fidgeted a little before starting to talk, hoping to be able to at least improve things.

“I’m really sorry about yesterday. I never meant to hurt you, or make you uncomfortable. Sometimes things blurt out of my mouth before I can even think about them. And it was so stupid of me to say that.”

“It kind of was. But I get that you freaked out.” Patty sighed. “It just… stung, I guess.”

“You had every right to be mad.”

Patty took her hand and laced their fingers, looking at them for a moment before looking back up at her.

“I’m not mad anymore.”

“You aren’t?” Erin frowned.

“No. But maybe I’ll pretend to be for a little longer so you’ll buy me lunch too.” She smirked, and Erin smiled brightly when she realized the awkwardness between them had faded away.

“If you want me to buy you lunch you just have to ask.” She said as they started walking hand in hand.

“Really?” Patty teased her a little more.

“Of course. What kind of girlfriend would I be otherwise?”

“A lousy one, let me tell you.”  Erin laughed, and squeezed Patty’s hand a little tighter.

She would have to thank Holtz for her help somehow. Maybe she was right about the flowers fixing everything.


	5. Chapter 5

“I told you letting these two get close would be a problem.” Patty said for the tenth time that evening as she grabbed Erin’s phone from her hand and glared at her. “We’ve caught them cheating _three_ times.”

“But we had to be a team!” Abby reminded her. “We’re the undefeatable duo, remember.” Patty sighed, knowing it was a lost battle from the very start. They had probably had the same discussion at least the last five times they had played Trivial. Abby and her always teamed up together when they played board games and won almost every single one.

Being defeated so often had apparently taken a toll on Erin and Holtz, who were now resorting to a more creative approach to have a chance. Considering Erin’s competitive nature and Holtz’s tendency for using not really legal methods to get her way it was only a matter of time.

“We weren’t cheating!” Erin objected, while Holtz tried her best to look innocent. “I was just checking the time.”

“The Wikipedia page is still open, sweetie.” Patty rebutted, holding the phone for all of them to see. “Holtz’s terrible influence is the last thing you needed.”

“Oh, come on.” Holtz said, although she seemed to be proud rather than offended at the accusations. “You’re all just jealous because Erin and I make an awesome team.”

Patty and Abby snorted at that, while Erin pouted and let Holtz pull her into a side hug. “Don’t listen to them.”

“We gonna have to put a stop to all of this.” Patty said to Abby while pointing at the other two. “Before they end up getting into trouble somehow.”

“Yeah.” She agreed, nodding while she arranged the cards. “God knows what they could get into with Holtz’s crazy ideas and Erin’s impulsiveness.”

“I’m not impulsive!” Erin protested.

“You punched a guy.” Patty replied.

“You let out a ghost.” Abby added.

“You jumped into the vortex.”

“I had to save Abby!”

“You almost punched a guy again last week.”

“Holtz, I thought you were on my side! And the guy was saying mean things about Patty, I had to do something!”

Holtz patted her shoulder as if telling her it was best to let it be and Erin muttered something under her breath.

“You’re just like a knight in shining armor, don’t listen to them and get grumpy.” She told her as she got up from the couch and pressed a kiss to Erin’s temple as she walked by. “I’m going to run to the store to get more snacks. Do you guys want anything?” She asked the others as she slipped a jacket on. Abby and Patty shook their heads and told her not to get too many Pringles cans.

When it was just the three of them, Patty and Abby shared a look that made Erin squirm in her seat. She had the feeling they were plotting something and she really didn’t want to find out what it was.

“So, you and Holtzy have gotten real close lately.” Patty attempted to sound casual as refilled all of their glasses with wine.

“We’ve… overcome our differences I guess.” Erin shrugged her shoulders. She hoped the conversation wasn’t heading towards where she was thinking because she was already embarrassed enough. “What’s the big deal?”

“It’s not a big deal.” Patty said, sitting down next to Abby again. “I mean we were just thinking, that maybe-“

“Are you two hooking up?” Abby blurted out, interrupting her. “And if you are why haven’t told us about it? Is it like, something new? Oh my God, Patty maybe you were right and we had to give them some space.” Patty rolled her eyes while Erin looked panicked.

“We are not! Where the hell would you get that idea?”

“Well, for starters, she is always flirting with you.”

“She does that with everyone.” Erin laughed nervously.

“No, she doesn’t.”

“She flirts with you and Patty.”

They looked at Erin for a few seconds, waiting for her to realize her own mistake. It took a few seconds until her eyes widened and she covered her mouth with her hand. She could be really slow for a scientist sometimes.

“That doesn’t mean anything.“ She was still refusing to believe such a preposterous idea. “Holtzmann is _not_ into me.”

Patty and Abby looked at each other again. They really needed to stop doing that, Erin thought, it was getting really creepy.

“Erin is so pretty isn’t she?” Abby started saying in a weak imitation of Holtz’s voice.

“And so smart.” Patty continued. “Did you see that equation she did the other day?”

“Did you see how she smiled today when I said her bowtie was cute? I’m winning her over.”

“She does not say all that stuff.” Erin could feel her cheeks burning and they were probably redder than the wine.

“Maybe not to you.” Patty muttered, making Abby let out a laugh.

“Why do you two want to embarrass me so badly tonight?”

“We do not.” Finally they took pity on her and slid closer to where she was sitting to hug her.

“Sorry, baby. We were just messing with you.” Patty said and kissed the top of her head.

“Yeah. All the stuff we said is true, though, just so you know.” Abby stopped talking when Patty gave her a warning look. “Buuut, we won’t interfere anymore because this is something between the two of you.” It sounded almost like a rehearsed speech and Erin wondered how long had they been talking about it between them. “This was just a little push because you two are kind of… oblivious about these things.”

“Well.” Erin was pretty sure she was still blushing furiously. “I’ll keep in mind what you said.”

“Great.” Erin almost rolled her eyes when she had to pretend not to notice them high fiving the other behind her back.

“Guys! You will not believe this, they had Pringles on sale so obviously I had to buy them all.” Holtzmann walked into the room carrying at least three bags full of her favorite chips. “They were calling to me so begging me to take them home so you can’t get mad at me, Patty my dear.”

She stopped suddenly when she saw the three of them all huddled up on the couch and left the bags on the floor. “Are you having cuddles without me?” She pretended to be all offended, doing a dramatic flourish with her hand.

“C’mon, Holtzy, get in on this.” Patty signaled for her to join them. She didn’t have to be told twice, and she squeezed herself in sitting on Patty’s lap.

“So, Erin and I won the game this time, right?” She asked with her best puppy face.

“Sure, honey.” Abby laughed.

“Awesome.” She grinned and held her hand for Erin to high five, which she did trying her best to ignore Patty and Abby’s knowing looks.

 

\---

 

Erin had been staring at the whiteboard in front of her for at least half an hour. She had hit a dead end in her research and found herself without knowing where she had gone wrong or what to do next. It happened sometimes, and she knew she’d figure it out eventually, but that didn’t make it any less frustrating.

She was so focused she didn’t hear the footsteps approaching from behind and was surprised when she found herself being embraced by someone she quickly recognized as Abby.

“Hey.” She smiled hearing when she heard her whisper next to her ear.

“Hey yourself.” She sighed softly as Abby started leaving kisses along her neck. “I thought you wouldn’t be home for a while.”

“The interview was shorter than expected.” Ever since they had saved New York the media had become interested in them, and it was usually Abby who dealt with them since they made Patty and Erin nervous and it was just irresponsible to leave Holtzmann alone in front of a camera.

“Patty and Holtz are still out for dinner.”

“Then I guess I’ll have to make the most of the time we’ve got alone.” Even if she couldn’t see Abby, she could imagine the mischievously smile she was most certainly wearing  perfectly.

“Abby, I’m working.” She protested, with not much effort, while the other woman was already sneaking her hands under her sweater.

“You’re just staring at that. It will all be here tomorrow.” Erin had to bite her lip so she could hold back a moan when Abby nibbled her ear, knowing fully well how that never failed to make her weak in the knees.

“That is true.” She said, still playing a little hard to get even if they both knew Abby had convinced her long ago. Not being able to resist temptation, she finally turned around crashed their lips together, cupping her face with her hands. They both shared a smile after and almost ran to the bedroom between kisses, leaving a trail of clothes after them.

 

\---

 

When Erin woke up it was because of Abby muffled whines and tossing in her arms. As soon as she was conscious enough to notice what was happening, she recalled what Holtz had done that night the same thing happened a few weeks ago, and tried to wake Abby up gently without letting her go.

“Erin?” Abby asked in a weak voice, still shaky from the nightmare.

“It’s me. You’re okay. It was just a nightmare.” Erin pulled away just enough to look at her, noticing her frightened eyes and shortness of breath. “You’re okay.” She reassured her once more, brushing some strands of hair away from her face.

For a few minutes, they laid in silence, Abby holding onto her tightly. Erin tried her best to offer some comfort, rubbing her back and kissing her cheek softly.  She knew from experience just how shaken some dreams could leave you, how real it all seemed even after you had been awake for a while.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Erin asked gently.

“Nothing to talk about. Just a nightmare.” It was quite obvious Abby was downplaying it, even if Erin didn’t know this had been going on for a while. It was because of that she decided to insist.

“Holtz told me it happens quite often.”

“What a blabbermouth.” Abby joked, trying to get some of the attention off herself, but Erin didn’t fall for it.

“We’re worried.”

“I know.”

“What was it about?” She took a chance and prodded a little.

“It’s always the same.”

“Rowan?”

Abby sighed. She knew she wouldn’t be able to keep them in the dark for much longer, and she actually looked a little relieved when she started talking. “You know that when he possessed me I hurt Holtz.”

“ _He_ did it.”

“It doesn’t feel like that.” Abby retorted softly. “I could have killed her, if it wasn’t for Patty…”

“And you’re feeling guilty about it?” Erin was starting to sense the root of the problem. “It wasn’t your fault, it was all Rowan’s doing.”

“Rationally, I know that. But I can’t help feeling it was my fault in some level. Maybe I could have done something to stop him, resisted somehow. What does it say that he chose me, that I’m the weakest?”

“Abby.” Erin interrupted her, taking her hand into hers. “It wasn’t your fault. He just took advantage of the fact that you were alone. And you know that according to our theories it is almost impossible to resist corporeal possession, I mean, you saw the numbers we were working with.” She stopped herself before she got carried away talking about their science. “No one blames you for that, and you shouldn’t either. I know it’s easier said than done, but at least talk to us about it?”

Abby held her gaze for a few moments, and Erin would have paid anything to know what was going on in her mind. “Okay. I’ll try.” 

“Start by talking to Holtz, she’s worried.”

“I will, I promise.”

Erin smiled at the sincerity in her voice, and hoped that their talk would help at least a little. “Now, let’s go back to sleep. Or we won’t be able to get up tomorrow.”

“That doesn’t sound that bad.” Abby joked as she settled herself in Erin’s arms. “Thanks for making me talk about it.”

“Anytime.” She left a kiss on her temple. “I love you.” It hadn’t been that long since she started saying that to Abby with a whole new different meaning and she still got a rush from it, especially when Abby said it back.

“I love you.”

It didn’t take long for them to fall back asleep, and this time they both rested peacefully until Patty’s voice wondering why the hell there were clothes all over the living room woke them up.

 

\---

 

Erin should have known it was only a matter of time before it happened. With the four them living in the same place, sharing almost every moment of their days together, it was practically a miracle that it had never happened before.

She had just come home after spending the morning running errands and had gone straight to her room to change into something more comfortable. It was a cold day and she wanted nothing more than to curl up on the couch in warm clothes and with a hot cup of tea in her hands. She couldn’t find her favorite sweatshirt, so she headed to Patty’s room guessing she must have left it there.  She thought nobody was home, so what she found after barging in was unexpected to say the least.

Patty and Holtz were there. Patty and Holtz were there, and Erin _really_ should have knocked because they seemed to be pretty busy. They hadn’t even noticed her, and she found herself frozen in the spot, unable to tear her eyes away from the two women in front of her.

She knew Holtz and Patty slept together. Theoretically, she knew, but stumbling into it and seeing Holtz pinned up against the wall by Patty, who was almost impossibly close to her, and them kissing fiercely was a whole new other level.

Holtz’s top was already off and when Erin noticed she wasn’t wearing a bra she almost choked on air. Patty’s hands roamed all over her torso while Holtz gripped onto her sweater. It wasn’t long until she started tugging it up, clearly wanting Patty to get rid of it.

Their making out was passionate, and raw, and Erin could have sworn she had never seen anything sexier in her whole life than the way Holtz dug her fingers into Patty’s back when she kissed her neck, especially since she knew from first-hand experience just how skilled she was at that and exactly how good it felt.  

Erin knew she had to leave. She should have left a couple of minutes ago, before Holtz’s hand started dropping dangerously low on Patty’s back, because this was really inappropriate and creepy and just plain wrong. But still her body refused to cooperate. She just stood there, mesmerized at the sight of them kissing and getting rid of pieces of clothing while she started to feel an ache between her legs until her rational thoughts finally kicked in.

She took a step back, determined to leave and pretend that had never happened and try to erase those images of her mind ─ although she doubted that would ever be possible ─ but her foot hit a piece of metal (why the hell couldn’t Holtz stop leaving those everywhere?) and the loud noise finally gave her away. 

They both pulled apart suddenly and turned around to look at her, looking as surprised as Erin had felt when she had walked into the room. Her mouth was dry, and she struggled to utter an excuse at first.

“I’m sorry, I just- I thought no one was here.” She forced herself to keep her gaze up. She knew she was probably blushing so hard her whole face had turned bright red by then. Patty still looked shocked, while Holtz was actually kind of smirking. God, she really hated that woman sometimes. She was never going to let Erin live this one down. “I’m really sorry.”

“Erin, it’s okay.”

“No! I should have checked no one was here. And I shouldn’t have stared. Not that I was staring, well, maybe _a little_ , but I didn’t mean to.” She was so distressed trying to apologize she didn’t even notice Patty and Holtz looking at each other for a second, silently communicating.

“Don’t worry, Erin.” Patty reassured her again, slowly walking towards her, but her words had no effect on the other woman who kept rambling about privacy and boundaries and apologizing. That was until Patty effectively shut her up by pulling her closer and kissed her.

“I was just trying to tell you.” Patty started talking again, while Erin tried to regain her breath after the kiss. “That I don’t think neither of us really minded you watching.”

“Oh.” Erin’s eyes were almost comically wide. “Oh.” It was a good thing Patty could tell exactly when she was going to start freaking out again and kissed her right before it could happen. Erin relaxed into the kiss, despite the circumstances and the fact that there was this nagging voice in her head that reminded her Holtz was standing right there half naked, Patty just had that effect on her.

Her mind struggled to keep up with how quickly the situation had changed, and she was thankful for Patty pulling away just enough to look into her eyes and make sure everything was alright. Erin smiled, bashfully, but it was enough for Patty to know she was okay. She had been so lost in the kiss she hadn’t noticed Holtz walking towards them and standing behind her until she placed her hands on Erin’s hips.

“Is this okay?” She whispered next to her ear after leaving a soft kiss on Erin’s shoulder, who swallowed and answered affirmatively in another whisper. After getting her consent, Holtz kissed her way up Erin’s neck, taking her time probably to make sure she wasn’t crossing any lines. Erin closed her eyes and a small sigh of pleasure fell from her lips at Holtz’s ministrations and the feeling of her bare body pressed up against her back.

It would have been a lie to deny she hadn’t thought about doing this with Holtz, especially since the talk with Patty and Abby, but she would have never imagined it would happen like this.

Patty was content to just look at them for a moment, but it wasn’t long until she leaned in and kissed Erin again, while she gently guided them towards the bed. Erin wasn’t sure how she ended up on it, straddling Patty, and she didn’t really care either.

“You are all wearing too much clothes.” Holtz complained in a low voice as she crawled closer to them. “We have to fix that.” Patty let out a laugh and took off her sweater without complain. Erin felt self-conscious for a moment, but she nodded when Holtz grabbed the edge of her T-shirt to let her know it was okay for her to pull it up.

The self-consciousness quickly disappeared when she saw the way Holtz and Patty were staring at her.

They both shared a knowing look which made a shiver go up Erin’s spine. She didn’t know what they were thinking, but she could imagine and she really couldn’t wait to find out.

Apparently, it all started with Holtz bringing a hand up to her cheek and catching her lips in a slow kiss that had Erin’s head spinning. She couldn’t help noticing the contrast between how they had been with each other before, all fire and intensity, and their gentleness and slow pace now, although it definitely wasn’t any less passionate.

Patty’s lips pressed against her neck, leaving goosebumps on their way, and Erin almost couldn’t suppress a whimper when she hit what she knew to be one of her weak spots. She was about to protest when Holtz broke their kiss, but she quickly found herself laying on her back after Patty flipped their positions with ease, and Holtz’s lips were on hers again. Only this time it didn’t take long for them to start making their way down her body and Erin bit her lip when she felt her pants being dragged down.

“You okay there, baby?” Patty asked quietly between kisses.

“Yeah. Definitely okay.” She breathed out.

The bed wasn’t made to be shared by three people, but they made do. It was the last thing on their minds as they took their time exploring each other’s bodies. Erin didn’t know how much time it took her to recover after Holtz and Patty managed to leave her breathless and with her legs shaking, but as soon as she was able to, Patty and her did the same thing to Holtzmann. Her favorite part, though, was probably teaming up with Holtz to leave Patty unable to speak coherently for at least half an hour.

If someone had told Erin she would end up doing something like that, she would have expected awkwardness and uncomfortableness. She definitely wouldn’t have expected it to be so fun, and sexy and just _amazing_ , Erin thought afterwards when she was the only one still awake, Patty and Holtz curled up against her.

She hadn’t had the greatest relationship with sex before. Before she started this with Patty and Abby, and now, apparently, Holtz. It wasn’t like she hated it, and sometimes it was good, but she rarely sought it out. That probably had a lot to do with her lack of luck in choosing partners, though. Sex with someone who didn’t really care about your pleasure could never be much good.

That became even more painfully obvious after Patty and her got together. Patty made it much better than she had thought it could ever be. She was pretty much the perfect lover. She was generous, attentive, and Erin was pretty sure there was a natural talent factor there that played a part as well.

Sex with Abby was just as amazing. Their first time went as smoothly as a first time could ever go, and it had only gotten better ever since. Abby had a way of making her feel so desired and cared for at the same time, she could almost make Erin’s knees buckle when she looked at her in that way of hers.

With Holtz, she didn’t really have much experience to draw conclusions from, but she could say it was certainly fun. Erin didn’t want to be forward, but she definitely wouldn’t mind a repeat of what had happened that afternoon. A few months ago, it would have made her so embarrassed just thinking about it, but now that was far behind her.

Erin smiled giddily as she looked down at Holtz, who laid half on top of her because of the little space they had with her head resting against her clavicle, and Patty who had an arm around both of them.

She was tired, and the softness and warmth she was enveloped in only made it harder to keep her eyes open, so she eventually gave into sleep.

 

\---

 

Going to have lunch with Patty’s family on Sundays ended up becoming a usual event without Erin even realizing it. Her parents kept inviting her over, until it just became kind of implied that Erin would be there with her girlfriend just in time for lunch, as long as a ghostbusting emergency didn’t make it impossible for them to go.

Patty had told her she didn’t have to go if she didn’t want to, and that she didn’t want her to feel pressured, but Erin actually loved it. They had made her feel included from the very first day, and by then she felt completely at home, chatting with Patty’s dad and her uncles as they set the barbecue and helping her mom to clean up everything afterwards.

That particular Sunday they had stayed longer than they usually did because their post-lunch card game had become incredibly complicated and competitive. It was dark outside when they hailed a cab to go back to the firehouse, both feeling full from all the food and a little tipsy from all the liqueur Patty’s mother had insisted they drank after eating.

Erin cuddled up to Patty as they were driven back home, resting her head on her shoulder. She tightened her coat, still feeling a little cold, and Patty, who was always like a human heater, drew her even closer to keep her warm.

“I called my parents yesterday.” Erin said, out of the blue, in a quiet voice.

“How are they?” Patty asked out of politeness, and Erin knew that. It wasn’t hard to see she wasn’t really fond of them, even though she had never met them, because of what she knew from Erin’s stories of her childhood and teenage years.

“Fine.” She waited a few seconds before talking again. “I told them we’re dating.” That was a surprise, but Patty did her best pretending not to be alarmed. From what she’d heard about them, she doubted that conversation could have gone well.

They had agreed, after the whole Phil fiasco, that to outsiders Patty and Erin would be a couple, and Holtz and Abby as well. People who didn’t really know them didn’t have to know anything else, they were already too exposed to criticism being in the public eye.

“What did they say?” Patty asked cautiously. She hadn’t expected Erin to come out to her parents so soon, to be honest, she wouldn’t have blamed her if she never told them anything. In her opinion, they didn’t deserve it.

“They didn’t really say anything.” Erin let out a dry laugh. “It was like, ‘hey you know Patty, I work with her. Well, she’s my girlfriend.’ Then they acted as if they had gone deaf for a those few seconds and kept on talking about when was I going to find a real job.”

“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry they are like that. And mad too.” Patty hugged her a little tighter.

“It’s alright. I don’t know what else I was expecting.” They both knew it wasn’t alright, Erin wasn’t the greatest at disguising her emotions. But Patty also knew the only thing she could do at the moment was offering comfort and silently cursing those people for being one of the worst parents in the world.

“I know it’s hard, but whatever. They’re the ones who are missing out. You don’t need them anymore, baby.”

“I know.” Erin looked up at her, smiled despite her watering eyes. She blinked to keep the tears at bay, and kissed Patty softly. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Patty smiled, pressing her lips against Erin’s forehead when she pulled away.

“I hope Abby and Holtz haven’t done any damage after so many hours unsupervised.” Erin joked, attempting to lighten the mood after the emotional moment.

“Well, they say hope is the last thing to go.”

 

\---

 

Erin’s parents stopped their monthly calls after that. She couldn’t deny it hurt, but there was a part of her that was also relieved. She finally felt like she had managed to break free from the weight of her parent’s expectations.

It was kind of sad, especially considering Christmas was coming up and Erin found herself with no place to go to spend the holidays. Not that going back home every December had been something to look forward to, not with her parents asking her if they were going to give her tenure at last, and about when was she going to find a nice man and get married. They always managed to make her feel like a failure.

It wasn’t until she knew for sure that she wouldn’t get tenure and that she’d probably never get married that she realized she didn’t even want that, not really. She had found something so much better being a ghostbuster and being with Patty, Abby and Holtz.

She also didn’t have anywhere to spend Christmas, but Patty invited her and Holtzmann to spend the holidays with her family. Holtz rarely talked about it, but from the few tidbits she’d given them it was clear her relationship with her parents was even worse than hers. Erin knew it had also had something to do with her coming out too, since Holtz told her as much when she tried to comfort her after hearing of Erin’s parents’ decision to stop talking to her, but she didn’t know any details.   

Abby had to go back to Michigan to be with her own family, but she managed to make the trip shorter that year and come back right after Christmas day so they could spend New Year’s together. So, despite it all, Erin found herself more excited about the holidays than she could remember being since she was a little kid.

The fact that December was approaching also meant that Patty would be starting school soon. She pretended to be cool about it, but Erin knew her too well not to notice she was nervous about it. Or, as Holtz had put it, “freaking out inside”. Of course, it was only a matter of time before all that freaking out became external as well.

“What if I have forgotten all about studying? They say that happens.”

“I’m sure you won’t have any trouble getting used to it again, honey.” Erin reassured her as she kept massaging her shoulders. Patty was sitting on the couch, letting herself be pampered as the others tried to calm her down. While Erin took care of her shoulders Holtz did the same with her feet and Abby was making some of her favorite tea in the kitchen.

“What if I don’t get to know anyone? I need to make connections so they will lend me their notes if I miss class.”

“I’m sure you’ll be friends with all the other kids soon, darling, don’t you worry about that.” Holtz said in a fake southern accent.

“You’re not funny.”

“Abby thinks I’m funny, don’t you Abby?”

“The funniest.” Abby confirmed as she entered the room and handed a steaming mug to Patty. “Here you go.” She sat down next to her and patted her arm. “You don’t need to worry, sweetie. You’re really smart, and hard-working. College can’t be harder than busting ghosts, right?”

“I guess so.” Patty admitted, curling both hands around the mug to keep her hands warm. “When you look at it like that.”

“That’s the spirit.” Abby smiled at her, glad to see her words had served to encourage Patty at least a little bit.

“And if a professor is being mean just tell me and I’ll take care of it.” Holtz added with a conspiratorial wink.

“You’re not offering to kill my professors, are you?”

Holtz just smiled innocently at her.

“I told you we shouldn’t have invited her to our Shondaland nights, Patty.” Erin said. “Watching How to Get Away With Murder wasn’t going to give her any good ideas.”

"You two are no fun. " Holtz complained, getting up from the floor to sit next to Abby. "So, what are we watching tonight?"

"Titanic." Erin answered her question with a blinding smile.

“Ugh, not again.” Holtz complained. “That movie lasts _forever_. And we all know how it ends, what is the point anyway.” Long movies weren’t really her kind of thing. It was already too hard for her to sit still for the whole duration of a short one.

“That’s exactly what I was saying before.” Abby agreed with her. They had the same fight every time Erin and Patty wanted to watch Titanic, which was way too often according to Abby and Holtz. They lost every time, though, which only made them grumpier about it.

“Shut up you two.” Patty ordered. “Not our fault you can’t appreciate a masterpiece.”

The night ended just as they always did when they watched Titanic. Abby and Holtz cracked jokes at the most inappropriate, emotional moments. Patty cried just like she did every single time, and hit Holtz with a pillow for mocking her because of it. Erin, who was a bit emotional as well, chose to snuggle into Abby and not intervene in the pillow fight that would inevitably break out between the other two.

Watching it was practically just as much fun and really helped to avoid getting her nose almost broken accidentally because Holtzmann hit her with her elbow like the last time.

 

\---

 

Christmas came and went quickly.

It was a blur of huge meals at Patty’s parent’s place, of lazy days spent relaxing with Holtz and Patty and of gifts, a lot more gifts than she was used to. Patty and Abby had bought her a first edition of a physics classic she had always fantasized about having. She had no clue how they had managed to get it, but she burst into tears as soon as she unwrapped it.

Holtz had made her a back massager. Her gifts to all of them were thoughtful, built by her, and surprisingly didn’t explode. She also appointed herself “head Christmas decorator” and filled the firehouse with lights and ornaments and even a tree no one even knew where she found. It turned out Holtz was really big on Christmas.

Erin had knitted them all sweaters, and she also got each of them a little something because she didn’t think that would be enough. She bought Patty a bottle of her favorite perfume, that she only used on special occasions because it was too expensive. She got Abby a fancy boxset with The X-Files full series **,** which almost made her scream when she saw it. Thinking of a gift for Holtz was incredibly hard. The stuff Holtz seemed to appreciate the most were metal scraps and Erin had no doubt she had no trouble procuring those herself.

In the end, and against all of her most protective instincts, she bought her a pair of roller skates. Holtz had told her about how she used to skate all the time when she was a child, and she had seemed so nostalgic about it Erin couldn’t resist it. She got a little misty-eyed at the gift, and that was when Erin knew she had chosen well. Still, she reminded her the knee pads and the helmet that the skates came with were _not_ optional.

It was the day before New Year’s Eve, and as they were all talking over dinner about what they should do to celebrate, that Holtz surprised them all by interrupting their conversation and saying she had everything already planned out.

“Wait, what?” Patty turned to look at her, puzzled. Erin looked at Abby to make sure she didn’t know what Holtz was talking about either. It seemed like they were all caught off guard.

“I have the whole night planned out, ladies. No need to worry about anything.”

“What are we doing, then?” Abby questioned, but Holtz just smirked.

“It’s a surprise.”

“I hate surprises.” Erin grumbled under her breath.

“You’ll like this one.” Holtz promised, squeezing her shoulder. “You’re all gonna have to dress fancy, though. I’m taking you somewhere nice.”

“You’re taking us, as in you’re paying?” Patty sounded incredulous. She couldn’t really be blamed since Holtz somehow managed to get one of them to pay for all her meals.

“I’m not saying anything else. You’ll see it tomorrow.”

“God help us all.” Abby and Erin laughed at Patty’s dramatism.

“Don’t be like that, Patty. It may actually be really nice.” Abby, always the optimist, tried to keep their spirits up as Holtz grabbed another round of beers from the fridge for all of them.

 

\---

 

Erin was glad Holtz had warned them about dressing up, because otherwise she would have felt really out of place. They were all astonished when the cab took them to one of the city’s most demanded, most expensive restaurants. She was half expecting them to be kicked out after walking in, but Holtz actually had a reservation at the place. Patty and Abby looked just as amazed as she did, while Holtz kept beaming at them looking incredibly proud of herself for being able to render them speechless.

They were walked over to a pretty secluded round table by a stiff-looking waiter. Even in her best dress Erin couldn’t help feeling a little out of place at such a high-end restaurant, but hopefully the wine they were immediately served after sitting down would help her soothe her nerves.

“This is really good wine.” She muttered to Abby after tasting it.

“Holtz, how the hell did you do this?” Patty asked in a whisper, looking around almost as if she couldn’t believe it. “You have to wait for months to get a table here. And on New Year’s Eve?”

“I have my ways. A magician should never reveal her tricks.”

“Well, I am not going to complain about your magic tricks for once. This is amazing.” Holtz looked even happier after the praise.

“I’m glad you liked the surprise. Only the best for my favorite ladies in the whole wide world.”

“Cheesy.” Abby mocked her playfully.

“You love it.”

“Whatever. Erin, I need you to help me out. I have no idea what half of these things are.”

 As Erin helped Abby go through the menu and picking something that she would like, Patty tried to get Holtz to tell her what they were going to do next, without any luck. Thankfully, as soon as the food came, the conversation rapidly shifted and they all gushed about how wonderful it was.

While they waited for dessert, Holtz suddenly stood up and clinked her glass with a small spoon, making the rest of them look up to her curiously.

“Oh boy here it comes.” Abby muttered, and Erin elbowed her to keep her quiet.

“The last time I did a speech for you I talked about how I felt like I finally had a family.” Holtz started, her voice wavering and sounding kind of strange like it always did when she got emotional. “Now, it’s been over a year since that day and you have proven to be the best family anyone could wish for. I’m so lucky that I have you in my life, and that I get to be loved by all of you as much as I do.” She paused for a second to clear her throat, and Erin took the chance to discreetly wipe a tear away. “I wanted to do all of this to show you how grateful I am for everything you do for me. I hope this is the first of many New Year’s Eve we spend together. I love you.”

When Erin looked around, she was relieved to see she wasn’t the only one who had gotten a little too emotional. Abby and Patty looked on the verge of crying too, and struggling really hard not to let the tears fall out. Holtz looked kind of uncomfortable, so she did the only thing she could think of and stood up to hug her tight.

“That was really beautiful, Holtz.” She told her with a smile, Patty and Abby quickly echoed her.

“Thanks guys.” Holtz said, sitting down, still seeming a little awkward but smiling too. “Is dessert going to take much longer? Because I’m really craving some chocolate.”

 

\---

 

After dinner a cab took them back to the firehouse. They were all surprised to see they were going back home, but Holtz didn’t answer any of their questions about it no matter how much they begged. Thankfully, it wasn’t long until they found out the rest of her plan.

She made them go up to the roof after they all refused to put on a blindfold to go up the stairs, which Holtz admitted could have been a little safety hazard. She had to settle for dramatically opening the door to reveal the surprise.

The whole roof looked like something straight out of a movie. Erin briefly worried wondering if they had exposed Holtz to one rom-com too many. There were lights adorning the place and serving as illumination, a bar stocked with drinks and food, a couch that was usually downstairs and even a sound system. 

“I figured we could do something just for us. So I asked Kevin to help me set this up.”

“Kevin?”

Holtz ignored Abby’s question. “I thought about going to Times Square but there’s always too much people there. This is more private, which I thought you would like.” She was about to start rambling, and Erin knew it was because they were all too stunned to say anything and she was getting nervous. “I even brought the ball to us, because I don’t think we’d be able to see it from here.” She had indeed, Erin thought as she looked at the smaller flagpole she had set up. Knowing Holtz, it was probably more reliable than the real one. “Why are you all so quiet?”

“It’s just…” Abby was the first one to speak, wanting to reassure her. “Wow.”

“Wow.” Erin and Patty agreed.

“Wow as in you like it?”

“We love it, babe.” Patty confirmed, engulfing her in bear a hug that Erin and Abby soon joined.

“It’s amazing, Holtz. I can’t believe you did all this for us.”

“It’s no big deal, Abby.” She tried to shrug it off. She was actually blushing. Erin could count with her fingers how many times she had seen Holtz blush.

“Who knew you were secretly a hopeless romantic.” Erin teased her.

“I’m never doing anything for you guys again if you’re going to bad mouth me like that.” Holtz grumbled, pretending to be offended.

“Oh, come on, Holtzy. Let me fix you a drink to thank you for all your hard work.” Patty, hand wrapped around her shoulder took her towards the bar where she started mixing all of their favorite drinks. While she was busy with that and trying to keep Holtz from drinking everything as soon as she finished, Abby leaned into Erin, who squeezed her in her arms.

“I still can’t believe Holtz did all of this.” Erin told her as she looked around in amazement.

“Well, she has a gift for surprising you every time you think you’ve got her figured out.” Abby smiled.

“I still can’t believe this is my life now.” Erin added, a little quieter.

“You mean that in a good way, right?”

“The best.” Abby grinned, and stood on her toes to give her a quick peck.   

“Well, Gilbert, let’s go get our fancy Patty cocktails before Holtz steals all of them.”

 

\---

 

It was only half an hour until midnight and Erin was already a little tipsy. It wasn’t her fault Patty had a gift for making the best cocktails she had ever tasted, but she didn’t want to get wasted so she decided to take it easy for a while. She let herself fall on the couch, and watched as Holtz took her place as Abby’s dance partner. Their dancing quickly became silly, and she giggled at them as Abby attempted to show off her breakdancing skills, with little success since she had also drank a considerable amount of fruity but pretty alcoholic beverages.

“She’s going to break something.” Patty said as she sat down next to her. “Are you drunk already?” She asked, noticing Erin’s pink cheeks.

“I’m not.” She shook her head. “But I think no more drinking for me until later.”

“That sounds wise.” Patty laughed, putting an arm around her shoulders. They both cheered at the other two, who had moved on to performing some kind of version of the Macarena.

“Can I ask you something?” Patty turned to her after a while, looking a little more serious than before. It was funny how alcohol sometimes did that to her, turning her into a quieter, more philosophical version of herself. “Are you happy?”

“Patty.” The question took her by surprise, but there wasn’t a doubt in her mind about what the answer would be. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy before.”

She caressed Patty’s cheek as a grin grew on her face, and leaned in to kiss her unable to help herself when she looked like that. They only pulled away after hearing Holtzmann’s voice over the music.

“Stop making out! It’s almost time!”

“Okay, okay. Calm down.” Patty rolled her eyes.

Abby handed each of them a glass of champagne and they stood in front of the flagpole Holtzmann had built, waiting for the clock to hit midnight, able to hear the sounds of the city celebrating. They all did the countdown out loud, and just like every year Erin felt the unexplainable nerves on her stomach. This time, though, she didn’t actually dread the prospect of a new year being ahead of her.

After they finally reached one, she found herself wrapped in a group hug, laughing as they all enthusiastically wished each other a happy new year and shared kisses. It was unorthodox, and maybe a little strange if she had to take an outsider’s perspective. But, as they stood together, looking at the fireworks just like they had looked at the city lights that night after they had saved the city, Erin couldn’t think of a better way to spend that night.

It had certainly been a wild ride, full of uncertainty, danger, setbacks and misunderstandings, but it had also been full of excitement and happiness and love. If she looked back at all those months, at everything that had happened for them to end up right there, together, she could only be sure of one thing.

She wouldn’t change any of it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is it! It makes me kind of sad it's over but I hope you have all liked this story. I loved reading all your comments, it means a lot to me to know you enjoyed it. I'm now working on a couple of prompts and another shorter fic, kind of a prequel to this one, but feel free to send me any prompts you may have to me at tumblr (pearls-rose).

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you're liking it so far! You can find me on tumblr as pearls-rose if you want to talk about this fic, Ghostbusters or even hit me up with some prompts. I'll need something to fill the void finishing this fic has left me with.


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